Searching for Shepard
by Kaida22
Summary: Shepard's supposed to be dead. She doesn't know why she isn't. On a Cerberus ship with Cerberus crew she's never felt so alone, and she can't shake the feeling that something about her is...wrong. Once she starts digging, she can never go back. Set in ME2, post resurrection. Slight AU as I've moved events & timelines around. All characters & organizations belong to Bioware.
1. Chapter 1 (Redraft: 3-11-15)

Shepard still wasn't used to the way her body worked. It had been a few weeks since she had awoken in a Cerberus med bay to the sound of Miranda Lawson's demanding voice, but every day she noticed something new about her body. The way her hair insisted on parting slightly off center, the achy joints that wouldn't fully extend until warmed up, and her now perfectly straight pinky finger, the little bend it took on after she broke it in a childhood fight with her older brother, gone. Today it was her freckles, and she stared into the mirror, utterly fascinated by the light blemishes that were arrayed in an almost too symmetrical pattern across her nose and cheeks.

If she looked close enough, and at the right angle, she could see the ghosts of jagged scars cutting chaotically through through her features. The scars were hard to notice, she had to give Miranda and the Cerberus medical team credit for patching her up so well, but the fact that the scars existed at all threatened to bring back memories she wished she could suppress.

She traced her fingers down each of the near-invisible scars, shuddering at the memory of her helmet shattering on impact as she was tossed around like a rag doll before being sucked out of the de-pressurizing Normandy. For all the things she appeared to have forgotten, the one thing the wanted to forget, she never could. With her eyes closed she was transported back there, a familiar pressure tugging on her chest as she fought for air, praying on a rescue that came too late.

Shepard struggled to push herself back into the moment. She wasn't on that Normandy, she was on the new one, the one they brought back from the dead, the one that felt just as empty as she did.

She opened her eyes and breathed deep and slow, her heart returning to it's resting pace.

"EDI." Shepard spoke to the empty room

"Yes Commander?" the metallic voice echoed back

"Call Officer Lawson to my quarters please."

"At once Commander." EDI replied.

Shepard resumed the examination of her body, pushing herself to remember every injury and scar that should have been there. Some memories were easy to come by, like the bullet she took the the calf during basic training. It was the day of their first live-fire test, to experience what its like to be under heavy fire, real bullets, real danger, for the first time. They wore protective gear, yet one shot fragmented off her armor and somehow managed to slip between the plates, embedding itself into her upper thigh. She fought through the pain, helped her team to victory, and then walked herself nonchalantly to the medic, garnering herself quite a reputation in the process.

She drifted in and out of her memories for quite some time until the sound of the opening door indicated Miranda's presence in the room.

"Commander," Miranda stated, "you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I'm in the bathroom, you may enter." she replied.

Miranda stepped through the doorway and respectfully averted her eyes from Shepard's muscular body dressed in only undergarments.

"Reviewing your injuries again?" Lawson asked a little too sharply.

"I need you to walk me through the process again."

"Of course Commander." Miranda begrudgingly agreed.

The Cerberus officer stepped behind Shepard and starting at her head, ran through the process, which at this point was becoming more like a ritual. "When we recovered your body, it was obvious you had undergone massive trauma. Your skull was fractured in sixteen places, your facial bones were crushed and your brain was swollen from numerous contusions. After your helmet shattered, the rest of your suit lost pressure and cracked, so most of your skin was burned away after entering Alchera's atmosphere, and what was left was far too damaged from radiation to salvage."

She moved down to Shepard's torso. "Almost every inner organ was ruptured and most of your bones were...mush. Due to the reduced pressure of being exposed to space for so long, air pockets had formed in your bloodstream and organs. Because your first instinct after your helmet decompressed was to hold your breath, as soon as you lost consciousness your lungs ruptured. Shortly after your heart would have failed."

"Cause of death?" Shepard asked, her face as rigid as she could make it

"Asphyxia. You were lucky the attack occurred so close to Alchera, otherwise the prolonged exposure to radiation and subatomic particles would have completely denatured your DNA. If that would have happened, we would have been unable to bring you back"

"Now the process of bringing me back."

"I've told you before Commander, much of that knowledge is classified," Miranda warned.

"Tell me all you can." Shepard demanded

"We salvaged as much of your brain tissue that we could, and from that, created a new brain. Your hippocampus and frontal cortex were mostly intact which is what allowed you to have retained the memories you do have. Your skeleton was rebuilt using a mixture of organic bone tissues and bone weaves for strength. Your organs, circulatory, limbic, nervous systems and skin were all regrown. Harvested what we could from your original body, but there wasn't much we could salvage. After that it was only a matter of a few cosmetic procedures to lessen the appearance of scars and bruising until completion."

"And the revival process?" Shepard asked already knowing the answer.

"Classified."

"Were there any other synthetic implants put in?"

"We fitted you with the standard heavy bone, muscle and skin weaves, medi-gel conduits, as well as upgraded your biotic implant."

"Nothing else?" Shepard questioned, trying not to sound too demanding.

"Nothing," Miranda confirmed.

"Thank you, that is all."

"Your welcome Commander." Miranda replied, quickly leaving the Commander alone once again.

This ritual had been played out many times before. Shepard remembered every conversation vividly, but kept hoping Miranda would let something new slip each time. She never had. It was peculiar to have someone else more familiar with her body than she was, especially when it didn't even feel like it was hers. She felt like a parasite, something gross and foreign that had taken over an innocent and was sucking it dry. Logically, she knew it was a miracle, but it felt more like a curse.

Her crew considered it a miracle though, or at least it appeared like they did. It took Shepard longer than she thought it would to finally notice the whispers behind her back. It was nothing malicious, no one was that disloyal, but the whispers spoke of something she too had wondered about herself: that she had somehow come back different.

It was a natural instinct, she supposed, that people would question something that defies nature, and her second coming fit every definition of the term. She knew there were people who doubted her before, but now they could use her very existence to undermine her authority at every turn. Shepard felt more pressure than ever before to be completely perfect.

"EDI" she spoke to the room once again

"Yes Commander?" the AI responded

"Send notice to Tali, Garrus, Joker, Mordin, Liara, and Dr. Chakwas to meet in the conference room at 1300 hours, please indicate the confidential nature of this meeting"


	2. Chapter 2 (Redraft: 3-16-15)

"I know many of you, myself included, are worried about my health since the incident." Commander Shepard started the meeting authoritatively. "With the exception of Dr. Solus, you have all known me for quite some time and all of you have stood by my side loyally. Today I need to call upon that trust, that loyalty, and that support, but more importantly, your skills."

"What's this about Shepard?" Garrus asked, his sub-harmonics broadcasting a concern he was happy no one else could hear.

"What I am going to tell you must stay within this group and must be your top priority, the only exception to this being missions you are called upon for. It is of utmost importance that no one discovers the true nature of your work." She turned to the Salarian scientist. "Mordin, I am trusting you with this knowledge, and need your assurance you will not leak this information."

"Used to working under confidentiality, will not have problem Commander."

"Shepard, what's this about?" Tali asked nervously

"Before I continue, could you secure the room and make sure no one outside can hear or see us, including our omnipresent AI friend?"

"Of course." Tali threw up her omni tool and after a few silent moments of hacking, she confirmed that the room was indeed secure.

"I am well aware of the apprehension and fear we all share surrounding my resurrection. At first I didn't want to know but now I've changed my mind, and I'm asking your help to figure this all out. I need to know exactly what Cerberus did to bring me back, what was lost in the process, and," she paused, struggling to get the words out, "what may have been added."

A nervous silence filled the conference room.

"You really think they changed you Commander? Joker asked.

"I don't know, but I can't ignore the fact that what they did should have been impossible, I don't, and will never trust Cerberus, and I need….we all need...to know."

"We should start with basic scans, X-ray, MRI, then we'll work up a blood panel and match all results to the on-file Alliance data we have from your last physical before the accident." Dr. Chakwas explained.

"Salarian imaging technology top of the line, Commander," Mordin spoke again, "Can run many tests as well."

"Can you both collaborate on this?" Shepard asked, already knowing the answer.

"Of course." they both responded, nodding to each other.

"What would you have the rest of us do?" Garrus asked.

"Tali," she turned to the Quarian, "see if you can access Cerberus files on the Lazarus project and see what you can dig up on the process. I will also give you full access to the files that I obtained on my escape from the lab upon regaining consciousness there. I've gone over them as thoroughly as I can, and so far I've come up empty."

"I'll do my best Commander."

"Garrus and Joker, I'd like you to watch the Cerberus crew for me."

"Isn't that a little bit of a conflict of interest? I am Cerberus crew." Joker asked.

"You were my crew first. I know where your loyalties lie and I know you wouldn't have allowed them to make any unnecessary modifications to me if you were aware of them." Shepard stated firmly.

"You're damn right I wouldn't." Joker confirmed, a smile threatening at the corners of his mouth.

"I want you to especially monitor Miranda &amp; Jacob's movements and activities on the ship, I need to know who they confide in, how often they seek counsel with each other, and how often they report to the Illusive Man. Do your best to hide your intentions. I can't let them know that I don't fully trust them as it will undoubtedly make them twitchy."

"Consider it done Commander." Garrus responded

"What do you want me to do Shepard?" Liara finally spoke up.

"I need you to monitor Miranda and Jacob's incoming and outgoing mail for any vital information as well as use your shadow broker contacts to uncover anything you can on the Lazarus project, Just don't let them know who's asking."

"It have a few ideas of who I can contact." Liara reassured the Commander.

"Please report back to me regularly, but do not speak of these assignments outside of Tali's secure field. I might be being overly cautious, but I'd rather be safe then sorry. That is all for now." Shepard stood and walked towards the conference room exit as her loyal crew sat bewildered for a moment, soaking in the depth of what they were just asked to do. Shepard couldn't deny that it felt good to throw her burden on her most trusted allies, but she knew that soon she would have real answers and could no longer pretend it was just her imagination or ignore the depth of whatever was to come.

After reaching her quarters in silence, she changed into sweats and put in her headphones, blasting music as an effort to drown out her overactive thoughts. She then started up her treadmill, hoping to force her mind off the inevitable shit storm she knew the truth would bring her.

She missed Garrus knocking on her door by 30 seconds.

* * *

By the time she finished running, she needed two showers to get the stink of sweat and desperation off of her. Her exhausted legs could hardly hold her body up as she shivered under the frigid recycled water pouring down on her. She collapsed on the cold tile floor, her shoulders shaking from the heavy sobs that poured from her body, her exhausted mind unable to hold them back any longer.

She didn't know what she was crying for exactly, whether it be the weight of the mission now before her or the loss of her life that she had never been able to properly mourn. She sacrificed absolutely everything she could for a cause she desperately believed in and yet her death changed nothing in the world. The counsel dove headfirst back into the ignorance they started with and everyone carried on, writing her off as a lunatic in the pages of a politicized history. She didn't really expect everyone's lives to stop just because she died, but deep down, a part of her was upset that everyone had just moved on, when she so clearly couldn't.

She already lived up to the name of hero for humanity's sake. It was a burden she was not eager to bear again, yet the Illusive Man was just as willing to play with her life and the lives of her friends as the Alliance was, but this time she didn't have any preconceived notions about honor and glory. She knew deep down that all she was doing, and all she could ever do in the world was delay...delay her death and the deaths of her friends, the extinction of her species, and every species, but she could never really save anyone.

Her eyes eventually stopped producing tears and although her body was still shaking with sobs and shivers she managed to drag herself from the bathroom and collapse on the bed. Her eyes refused to open anymore as they were too weighed down with the responsibility of the mission before her, and eventually she she passed out into a fitful sleep, the weight her sorrows carrying over into her nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3 (Redraft: 6-12-15)

Shepard awoke to dry, swollen eyes and a face dampened by tears that had soaked into her pillow from the night before. Her head pounded fiercely and every muscle ached. It was the middle of the night now, her alarm clock read 2:00. She could feel the thoughts of yesterday returning, so she quickly flung herself from the bed, ignoring the dizzy spell and pounding migraine the quick movement brought about.

The bathroom medicine cabinet was void of drugs to dull the pain and she cursed silently to herself as she ran her fingers through her auburn hair. Hoping everyone else was asleep in their quarters, she threw on her sweatpants and left to raid the med bay.

The slow moving elevator opened to a cold and empty hallway. The sounds of the engine humming soothed her as she walked through the hollow ship, her footsteps echoing on the hard metal floor. The motion censored med bay doors hissed open, clicking the automatic lights on as she stepped over the threshold. She rummaged awhile through the white cabinets before finally coming across the pain medication. She pulled a bottle of Hydrocodone off the shelf went back to rummaging, locating a bottle of sleep aids a few cabinets over. At the end of the shelf her eyes ran over a bottle labeled Prozac. She stared at the bottle for a moment shook her head slightly and quickly left the room, the door hissing shut behind her.

Her second stop was the mess, grabbing herself a cup from the shelf and after filling it with water sat on the counter and opened her bottle of pain medication. Throwing two in her mouth she washed them down with a large glass of water. She usually avoided drinking straight water from the mess, it had an unfortunate aftertaste, as recycled water tended to have. She threw two sleep aids in her mouth, and took another drink, hoping the second would wash wash down taste of the first.

"Popping pills Shepard?" a rough voice spoke, causing the Commander to sputter and cough.

"Garrus!" she exclaimed after clearing her throat and coughing a few more times.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you." trying to hide the shred of amusement that threatened to contort his face into somewhat of a smile.

"Your fine." she said as he walked closer to her and sat down next to her. "What are you doing up?"

"I don't sleep much, want company?" he responded

"Sure, I probably won't be down here for long though."

"No matter, I'd rather sit with you than be alone," he said thoughtfully. "What are the pills for?"

"I just have a migraine." Shepard started, and then explained "a pain in my head."

"Anything I can do for you?"

"No, the pills will take the pain away and that's all I need." she paused "do Turians get headaches?"

"Yes, but not often, bowel pains are much more common in my species. Head pains usually indicate a larger problem. Is this something you should be concerned about?"

"No, headaches are pretty common with my species. They're not usually serious unless they last a long time or are really painful. We have a lot of minor aches and pains, were more fragile like that."

"Fragile is not the word I'd ever use to describe you, Shepard." Garrus laughed "If I did, I'd be likely to end up on my ass."

"Yea, you probably would." Shepard teased back with a smile.

"That's one thing my people got incredibly wrong about yours."

"Care to explain?"

"I grew up learning how to kill humans, most young Turians do. You're considered easy enemies, stage one of many in a decade long training program. You have no armored plating, your skin is pierced with little force and your vital organs are easily accessible. When pitted against a Krogan or a Turian there should be no bets in your favor, yet your species has fought with and against the best the galaxy has to offer and somehow you manage to survive."

"I guess if you want to beat us, you'd better learn to stop underestimating us then" Shepard stated with a smile on her face as the Turian rumbled out a low laugh.

"I think it's more than that though. I don't know whether it's insanity, stupidity, or both, but if my species were only half as crazy we'd rule the universe," he paused for a moment, "I've seen you stare down things that would make a battle hardened Krogan shit his armor. You've constantly thrown yourself into danger, knowing you will most likely die, and yet somehow, despite impossible odds, you've managed to survive. If anyone on my home-world heard me say this I'd probably be exiled, but the best general in the Turian military doesn't hold a candle to you Shepard."

Shepard stared at the floor for a few moments, unsure how to respond to his praise.

"I'm glad to have your trust and confidence Garrus, and now might not be the best time to tell you that half the time I don't know what I'm doing. I've just been lucky. Insanely, stupidly, lucky." she finally responded, fiddling with the bottle of pills in her hands.

"No, it's not luck. Luck is finding credits in the slums of Omega, instinct is the way you communicate and connect with people. The way you take command of a room, the way you take on enemies...from a room full of mercs to an an army of Reapers. You were born for this Shepard, and you do a damn fine job saving everyone's lives."

_It doesn't feel like instinct...it feels like fear_, Shepard thought, but instead replied "Thanks Garrus, I appreciate that. It helps having the best people at my back."

"Anytime Shepard."

They sat silence for a few moments, listening to the hum of the engines and the creaks of the metal hull shifting.

"I've never told anyone this before," Shepard started, "But I never wanted to be a soldier. Before I became Alliance I wanted to be a musician...to play music."

"Really?" Garrus asked trying not to sound too surprised. "You played something then?"

"An instrument yeah, I played the piano."

"I'm not familiar with Earth music, can you explain?"

"It has keys, like a computer, but the keys are on one large row"-she spread her arms to illustrate- "instead of combined, and instead of typing letters they create different sounds."

"Were you taught to play it?"

"By my mother, yes."

"And were you good?"

"Not really, no." Shepard replied with a chuckle "Though I tried very hard and enjoyed it a lot. I'm sure I would have improved if I'd kept playing."

"What made you join the Alliance instead?" Garrus asked.

"My family didn't have a lot of credits so we never really left our city, let alone Earth. My mother used to tell me stories about her and my father having big plans to see the stars, meet aliens...that's what everyone on Earth called other planetary species before we knew you actually existed of course,"

"Of course, no offence taken."

"They planned on going, but then she got pregnant with my brother. They probably still would have gone had I not come along so soon after. After my father died, I don't think she felt right going without him. I was almost in my eighteenth year when my mother passed and since I didn't have anywhere else to go I joined the Alliance."

"You couldn't stay with your brother?" Garrus asked.

"He left home shortly after my father died. We got word a few weeks later that his transport had been hit by Mercs. No survivors."

"I'm sorry Shepard."

"It was a long time ago." She said, not wanting to dwell on it.

"Well, I'm sure they're watching over you proudly and now you can see stars, planets and," he struggled with the word, "aliens together." he paused "Sorry Shepard, but that word does not translate kindly."

"I know, I'm sorry it was used so offensively against your people."

"We had our own choice words for your people too. It's unfortunate that we can't change the minds or actions of our ancestors."

"You know, it used to just mean foreigners, those who traveled or immigrated from one part of Earth to a different part." Shepard explained "It only took on that meaning during the First Contact War."

"That war changed a lot for both our kinds. I was raised to hate your species, trained to kill you, yet here I am serving under one. My younger self would have hated me for it."

"Your training was that strong, huh?"

"Very much so, but that little shit was just a xenophobic moron who didn't know he didn't know anything."

"Is that why you joined the military, to defend against us evil humans?" Shepard asked with a smile, fascinated by his childhood revelations.

"No, it's mandatory, but it was my duty as the oldest child to follow in my father's footsteps and join C-Sec once my service was complete."

"Did you ever want to do anything else?"

"No, I believe I already told you about my father blocking my candidacy for becoming a Spectre, not that I would have necessarily gotten it anyway. I never really had any desires other than carrying on the family title...that's just what first born children do. "

"Do you resent him for that?"

"No, I was a different man then, headstrong, and I don't think I would have been able to rein myself in...although I do envy your lack of paperwork and accountability."

"Ah…" Shepard said with a knowing smile, "We call that red tape."

"Red tape. That's a good phrase, binds you up and makes you wanna spill blood, although we'd probably call it blue tape." Garrus replied with a chuckle.

Another moment of comfortable silence passed between the two as they sat together.

"I think the medication is finally hitting me," Shepard started, "I should probably go back to my quarters before I run the risk of waking up on the elevator floor, thanks for keeping me company though Garrus."

"I had a much better time speaking to you than I would have had staring at targeting systems all night." the Turian replied as he got up and offered a three-fingered hand to Shepard to help her stand. "Will you make it to your room okay?"

"Yes," she replied, taking his hand and allowing him to brace her as she got up down her perch. "Thank you for the offer though, and your chivalry."

"Alright, good night Commander." Garrus courteously nodded his head toward her and retreated towards the Main Battery, making a mental note to look up the concept of chivalry.

"Good night Garrus." Shepard replied, flexing her tingling hand.


	4. Chapter 4 (Redraft: 9-25-15)

Shepard could hardly drag herself out of bed in the morning. She had grossly overslept her alarm, and the combination of pain and sleep medications had made her extremely groggy. Not even an ice cold shower could shake the clouds from her mind. Barely resisting the desire to return to the warmth of her bed she dressed and glanced at the pill bottles on her desk. Her migraine had not subsided during the night so she took another dose for her pain and after slapping on a fake commander-like expression, headed down to make her rounds.

Unlike the previous evening, the ship was a hub of activity. Shepard made her way slowly towards the CIC, nodding in acknowledgement at each salute given her as she walked past the busy crew.

"Commander" the voice of Yeoman Kelly Chambers caught her attention.

"Something I should know Chambers?"

"Dr. Chakwas would like to speak to you in the Medical Bay."

"Anything else?"

"It may be a bit forward of me to ask Commander, but I know you are under a lot of stress and if you need someone professional to speak to, I want you to know that I'm available anytime."

"Thank you for the offer," Shepard replied somewhat stiffly, "I've been in plenty of stressful situations and managed it well so far, but I will keep your offer in mind if I need it."

"Oh!" Chambers said with a shock, "I didn't mean for it to sound like I doubted your abilities, Commander."

"It's alright, I didn't take it that way at all. It's your job to look out for the health of the crew, including myself, I appreciate your concern."

"Thank you Commander."

Shepard nodded her head in acknowledgement of the Yeoman and headed down towards the medical bay as requested.

"Shepard." the doctor said with a smile as the Commander entered the room.

"I was told you wished to speak with me?"

"Yes, I wanted to run those tests today if you have the time, and I was also hoping you could help solve a mystery for me."

"I can try, What's going on?"

"I'm running through a list of crew members that could be abusing prescription medicine, but the only one on my list so far is Jack."

"What for?"

"Unfortunately, a few bottles of medication mysteriously disappeared. I keep very careful stock and I wanted to make sure you knew, that way if it keeps happening we have a record of what gets taken and possibly track them down."

"Sleeping pills and Hydrocodone right?" Shepard started with a flushed face, "I'll save you the trouble Doctor, It was me."

"Oh," Dr. Chakwas replied slightly startled.

"I've been having troubles sleeping regularly due to leftover pains from my injuries from the incident. I didn't want to wake you for non-emergency reasons so I just took what I needed. I got a late start this morning or I would have come down first thing to tell you myself, I apologize for any inconvenience I caused."

"No problem Commander, I appreciate your honesty and I'm glad I don't have to interrogate Jack," the doctor replied rather relieved, "Are you available to run those tests today?"

"Thank you Dr. Chakwas, and yes, I'll come in after I finish my rounds." Shepard replied as she left the room, rather embarrassed she didn't think of the good doctor keeping inventory.

* * *

Shepard laid on the medical table, her uncovered backside pressing into the cold metallic surface as she waited for Dr. Chakwas to return. She'd been undergoing medical testing for hours now, and although both doctors were professional and courteous, there was only so much poking and prodding she could take. It didn't help that the large glass of contrast they had given her to drink for the scans wasn't sitting well in her otherwise empty stomach.

By the time Dr. Chakwas returned, she was sitting on the floor in the corner with her head in the garbage can looking quite pale.

"If you throw it all up, you'll just have to do it again another day." Dr. Chakwas mockingly scolded her. Shepard's only reply was a single middle finger and a groan.

"Let's get this over with so you can rest." Chakwas said trying not to show her amusement at the Commander's discomfort as she helped her lie back down on the table.

The scan was over not a moment too soon. As soon as Dr. Chakwas gave her permission to move she made a stumbling beeline towards the garbage can and emptied the contents of her stomach which flatly refused to stay down any longer.

"Am I done now?" Shepard asked the doctor drearily.

"Yes, I'm sorry for that unpleasantness."

"Sss okay…" Shepard said with her head in the bucket, "I'll move in a minute…"

"Take your time Commander, I'm going to run the scans to Dr. Solus. I've left a bottle of nausea medication with your clothes on the desk, take it when you leave, it should help."

"Thanks doc." Shepard replied gratefully as the door slid shut behind the doctor. Shepard didn't dare move from her corner in case her stomach would turn again, but after a few minutes with no reaction, she shakily stood with the bucket firm in hand, grabbed the pills, got dressed, and stumbled towards the elevator, desperate to make it back to her quarters before another wave of nausea hit.

The last thing Shepard wanted was to run someone in her weakened state, but of course when the elevator doors opened to admit her, her Turian comrade stood inside watching her with those captivating blue eyes.

"Shepard, are you alright?" he asked with concern in his voice as he moved over to make room for her in the enclosed space.

"Dr. Chakwas was torturing me and the meds made me sick." she explained as best as she could, too sick to care about the horrid smells that must have been coming from her and the bucket.

"Torturing you?" he asked with a raising of his brow.

Shepard groaned in reply and tipped to the side, allowing the wall to support her as the elevator lurched to a start.

"Do you need help?" Garrus asked, instinctively reaching towards her to help but pulling away at the last second in hesitation.

"I'm alright, I'll make it." she said, not attempting to stand until the elevator lurched once again to a stop and opened.

Shepard mustered her strength and pushed off from the wall and using her hands to guide her, slowly started making her way towards her chamber door. A three fingered hand grabbed her arm and steadied her as Garrus silently slipped in beside her.

"I'll just make sure you don't fall...okay? Although he phrased it as such, Shepard knew the Turian's question was really more of a demand, and being too sick to argue, she begrudgingly allowed him to escort her.

"So why was Dr. Chakwas torturing you?" Garrus asked.

"She wanted to run some tests." she told him, careful not to speak of specifics when EDI had her ears on.

"I see." Garrus said as he helped her down the steps and towards the bed, "Do you need anything?"

Shepard sat on the end of her bed and then reached toward her nightstand and grabbed the empty glass that sat there. "Can you fill this with water for me?" she asked, handing it to him.

"Of course" he responded as he quickly retreated to the bathroom and emerged with it full to the brim.

"Thanks" she said as she cracked the pill bottle, popped two in her mouth and took a long drink.

"Will you be alright?"

"I'll survive, I just gotta sleep it off."

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"No," Shepard replied as she reached for her music player and placed the headphones in her ears, "Thanks for making sure I'm okay though."

"Of course, Shepard" Garrus replied, retreating towards the door and flicking the light switch on his way out, casting the room into darkness.

"Garrus," Shepard called out loudly stopping the Turian in his tracks.

"Yes?" he asked, intrigued by the edge of fear in her voice.

"Please turn the light back on."

"Oh. Of course. I'm sorry." He nudged the switch upwards with his taloned finger as he watched her lay back down.

Shepard was not aware aware of the door shutting when he finally left a full minute later.


	5. Chapter 5 (Redraft: 9-25-15)

Shepard once again awoke feeling as if she had been mauled. It was earlier into the wee hours of the morning than she expected, but she was comforted to know she had at least had a few hours of good sleep.

She endured the task of cleaning the contents of the bucket from the night before and although her stomach was finally quiet, she didn't feel much better. Feeling gross, she turned on the shower and this time waited for it to get warm before she entered. It was nearly impossible for her to get the acidic taste of bile out of her throat, and only after she was sufficiently in order did she attempt to wander down to the bridge.

"Commander, You're up late...or early." Joker said upon hearing her footsteps grow steadily closer.

"How did you know it was me?"

"When one's bones can be shattered by a simple turn of the head, one's senses must adapt and compensate." Joker replied all to seriously as he swung his ergonomic chair around to face her. "Your boots click" he admitted, smiling broadly.

Shepard smiled back with a slight eye roll. "So how's our approach looking?"

"Smooth sailing Shepard, we should arrive at the Citadel at 0900 hours as planned."

"Anything I should be concerned with?"

"Nope! Fuel reserves are good, and all other systems are online and functioning properly."

"Anything you need?"

"Since you're offering, I could use a few hours rest. If you don't mind keeping my seat warm and the AI in check, that is."

"Of course" Shepard replied just as Joker badly hid an enormous yawn. She quickly evicted him from the comfort of his chair.

"Thanks Commander," Joker said with a smile as he hobbled out of the bridge, "I'll come back for the hard parts."

With Joker gone, Shepard requested EDI to patch her music through the sound system, and she stared out into the star-lit expanse as the gentle piano sounds crescendoed around her. Since her death, she had tried to avoid looking out at space -which was harder than she cared to admit when it was looming above her as she tried to sleep at night-and although she felt a burn of fear rising in her chest, this time she forced herself to look out the window in front of her, forcing herself to remember. The blinking lights on the control panel did nothing to stop her from feeling she was once again drifting helplessly through space.

She had no sense of time passing as she stared down the void, her heart racing and her head pounding. She could no longer hear the soft notes playing throughout the bridge and could feel nothing but her chest tightening as she struggled to gain mastery over the darkness that had enveloped her.

She was living in the moment she was sucked out of the ship, spinning desperately in a vain attempt at patching the many breaches in her suit. She could feel the throbbing in her brain and the pain of her lungs collapsing on themselves as she silently screamed, her tears boiling on her face as she faded into oblivion.

A low rumble from behind made her jump out of the chair in fear and whirl around, crashing into the dash. She felt her heartbeat all over her body throb faster and faster as torrents of pent up adrenaline flooded her system. The unsuspecting Turian stopped mid-sentence and Shepard slowly took back rational control of her body, breathing steadily for the first time since she entered the bridge.

Garrus' mandibles were moving and Shepard barely had time to collect herself before he stopped speaking and expected her to reply.

"See me later Garrus, now's not a good time," Shepard said with as much confidence as she could muster as she covertly wiped a single tear from her cheek. "EDI take the bridge, log me out." She brushed past Garrus without making eye contact and walked as quickly as she could back to the solace of her cabin where she could try to pretend something more than just metal was between her and oblivion once again.

* * *

Shepard ran herself almost to death on her treadmill for the next hour, hoping that sheer exhaustion would perhaps turn her mind from the depths of space without the need of the drugs she'd been taking.

"Commander" EDI's voice rang through the room

"What is it?"

"Flight Lt. Moreau wanted me to notify you that we are making out approach to the Citadel. We are no more than 20 minutes off schedule."

"Thanks EDI, did he get ample time to rest?" Shepard asked through staggered breaths of exhaustion

"Yes, standing in for him resulted in five hours of rest, three of which were REM cycle." EDI explained

"There were no problems after I relinquished my post?"

"No, I am programmed to be able to take control of the ship if necessary and I can monitor many of the ship's functions simultaneously."

"Does Joker know this?"

"Yes, but I could not convince him to leave his his control deck to me, as I have still not gained his trust."

"Well, thank you for taking over for me."

"No problem Commander, you were there for three hours so I did not have to monitor it for long before Lt. Moreau returned."

"Thanks EDI. Notify the crew of the docking time and that they can have shore leave until 0900 hours tomorrow."

"Right away, logging you out."


	6. Chapter 6 (Redraft: 9-25-15)

Shepard's business on the Citadel took most of the day. After an infuriating amount of paperwork she got her status corrected from killed in action, and upon the conclusion of her meeting with Captain Anderson she was left to wander the streets of the Citadel alone. The waterfalls, trees and crowds of people made a convincing show of not being on an orbiting station and she found she could breathe a little more freely here than she could on the Normandy.

She walked down the strip of shops overlooking the beautiful river garden that flowed below and listened intently to the clatter of footsteps all around her, the gentle whirring of the shuttle engines above, and the the deep primal thudding of the bass emanating from the bars below.

The Citadel food court was arguably one of the best in the known systems, and the smells wafting from it suddenly reminded her that she couldn't remember the last time she had something other than mess hall food. After acquiring an amount that was probably more than she could ever eat, she walked to the center of one of the bridges that spanned the river and sat at the edge of the walkway, her feet dangling over the rushing water below.

The artificial sun was setting in a beautiful array of reds, oranges and purples and for a moment Shepard let herself believe it was more than just a projection. She let herself hear the chirping of birds and the gentle buzzing of insects. She could smell the pine needles and flowers in full bloom and feel the heat of the setting sun tickle her skin. Even the breeze gently tossed her hair. For a moment she let herself truly relax, but like all illusions of perfection, it was shattered too quickly and left her emptier than before.

She had an unusual longing for home in her gut. After her mother died she had only wanted to leave it all behind, and since she left Earth for training she had only returned once. She never had any feelings of homesickness and no desire for dirt beneath her feet. For so long the Normandy was her home, her solid ground, and the one place where she felt truly safe, but now with the subtle changes, Cerberus watchdogs and her constant nightmares, she feared that all that remained in her once beloved home were too many reminders of her mortality.

She sat on that bridge letting the sound of the water mesmerize her until she was deep into the Citadel's night cycle, only getting up to leave after she found herself nodding off to sleep. Pushing herself up from her perch she started towards the nearest hotel, where after purchasing a ground floor "human comfort" room for the night, she collapsed on the fluffy bed and was blissfully swept away in her first full night of un-medicated sleep.

* * *

She found herself in a chipper mood the next morning as she checked out with the Asari secretary at the front desk. She was in the midst of giving her compliments about the comfort of the room when a familiar Turian stepped out of the elevator in her line of sight, his arms about the waist of a limber looking female member of his species.

A heat rose in her face and her chest tightened as she tried her hardest not to stare as they gave each other what appeared to be an intimate goodbye. Shepard took great pains to hurry along her conversation with the Asari before Garrus could take notice of her as she had no intention of interrupting them, or making him feel like he had any obligation to explain his shore leave actions to his commanding officer.

Thankfully the Asari returned her Credit Chit and she turned and left the hotel as quickly as she could without calling undue attention to herself, pausing at only one store for a last minute purchase before heading to the docking bay for departure.

The docking bay was a hub of activity as crew members and delivery services were carting box after box of newly purchased supplies into the Normandy. She made casual small talk with the crew as she helped them load in boxes. As they were waiting for the arrival of Shepard's latest purchase she once again saw Garrus, now returning to the ship.

"Garrus."

"Shepard. Sleep well last night?" he asked with a hint of a smile tugging at his mandibles.

"I thought I escaped without interrupting your shore leave, I apologize for that." Shepard responded, suddenly warm.

"It's nothing Commander, we were all on shore leave. I would have introduced her to you if you had not ran out."

"I figured as much, but I did not want to make the lady awkward." Shepard responded, hoping that was a good enough reason for Garrus to drop the subject. Turians were a lot more social about their intimate relationships than she was used to. Not that she was a prude, but she found it difficult to be looked upon as nothing more than a conquest.

Thankfully the arrival of the last parcel interrupted their conversation and she signed for the package and lifted the box to carry it on board.

"This one's for you too Commander." A dock worker told her, throwing a second box on top of the first.

"Do you need a hand Shepard?" Garrus asked politely.

Shepard thought about it for a moment and then slid the top-most box into his arms. "Sure, they are both going to my quarters and I need to speak with you in private anyway."

They walked in somewhat of an uncomfortable silence as they rode the elevator together towards Shepard's cabin. Once the door slid shut behind them Shepard broke the silence.

"I need to apologize to you for my behavior on the bridge the other day." Shepard said as she set the box on the bed and started prying it open. "I was experiencing some personal difficulties and I did not mean give you a cold shoulder."

"You don't need to apologize Commander," Garrus replied to her as he set his box next to hers, "You're busy, no one expects you to be available all the time."

"Nevertheless, I try to make it a point to hear out my crew, and a big part of that is being there for them when they need to speak with me. An incident like that could affect your ease at coming to me with things. It might even hinder you from voicing opinions and concerns about upcoming missions. I value your opinions Garrus, I don't ever want you to doubt that." Shepard took a large breath and looked at him. "What ever you needed to speak to me about yesterday I am available and willing to hear now."

"Thank you Shepard, I appreciate that. Joker hobbled past me on his way from the bridge and mentioned you had taken over for him, I only wanted to see if you were feeling better."

"I appreciate the gesture Garrus, and I again apologize for not showing it then." she said as she pulled a large black cloth out of one of the boxes.

"It's alright. Are you feeling better? It looked like I startled you."

"Yes, I am, and yesterday...you just caught me off guard."

"Is that everything you wished to talk about Commander?" Garrus asked.

"Yes, but I do want to discuss something...personal...with you later when I find Tali."

"No need…" Garrus said as he brought up and started typing away on his omni-tool. In a minute he gestured for her to continue, saying "The room is secure now, go on."

"I know I asked everyone the other day to look into something in particular, and I wanted to ask you to as a personal favor to keep an eye on me." she replied looking up at him, hoping she didn't look too insecure.

"What do you mean?"

"You know me well on and off the battlefield, I need you to make sure I'm still me, that I'm making decisions true to myself and that I'm not putting anyone at risk," she paused "and if it comes to it, I know you will do whatever it takes to protect everyone from me."

"I know people are concerned about you, but no one thinks you're dangerous. Any reason you think you are?" he asked

"How can I not be?" Shepard asked incredulously while avoiding his eyes and fiddling with the cloth. "Since the moment I woke up I've felt different...hell, I even look different. There are gaps in my memory, and some recollections that don't match up with what Miranda tells me, I dream about things I shouldn't know...that I couldn't know. Half the time I feel like a stranger in my own skin. Something's wrong with me Garrus...I can feel it."

"Shepard," Garrus moved to her side and spoke consolingly. "Since you've been back you've been more passionate and more ferocious in battle that I have ever seen you. We will find out what, if anything, they changed in you, but I have no doubt that the core of you is still there, if not more there now than it ever was before."

Shepard was taken aback by his words. She considered the Turian to be a friend, at least as close to a friend as she could get, but she never expected him to speak to her so profoundly. She noticed her heartbeat racing as they stood close to each other and time seemed to slow down as she took in the weight of his words. She reached her arm out, so subtly that she doubted he could see it, but stopped herself before she touched his arm, not wanting to risk crossing a line. Nevertheless she found herself drawn into him, wanting to feel his arms around her, holding her together as she was certain she was falling apart.

Her inner self was yelling at her to stop and she suddenly pulled and turned away from him, pretending be intensely occupied once again with unfolding the large cloth.

"Thank you Garrus," she said trying to mask the hitch in her voice, "I feel better knowing you're watching out for everyone, myself included."

"Anytime Shepard." The puzzled Turian spoke as he turned and headed for the door, messing with his omni-tool once again.

When Shepard was alone she sank into her bed, her head swimming with thoughts and emotions. She was more than a little concerned over her body's reaction to Garrus. She pushed him from her mind, knowing that it wasn't rational of her to think of him in that way, but trying not to only made her think about him more.

* * *

As soon as the crew finished their checks and the Normandy lifted off from the docking bay, EDI once again spoke from the console in the Commander's quarters.

"Dr. Chakwas and Mordin want to see you in the medical bay."

"Thanks, EDI, them I will be down shortly."

"Logging you out Commander."


	7. Chapter 7

"Shepard, I think we've got some information you need to hear." Dr. Chakwas spoke as soon as Shepard entered the room. Tali stood in the corner with her omni tool up and motioned her to speak as soon as she finished typing.

"Alright, What is it?" Shepard asked trying to mask the nervousness in her voice

"The good news is we've found no evidence of Cerberus changing you fundamentally. You've always been healthy, but they did do a lot of work repairing damaged muscle and organ tissues from all you wounds in battle. You are already aware of the cybernetic enhancements made to yourself, but none of these indicates a dramatic change in personality or control." Dr. Chakwas explained "In essence, the best we can tell, you're still you. They did change you, but it appears only as necessary to ensure your health."

"What's the bad news?" Shepard asked, biting her lip

"Well, we've found something interesting in our preliminary exams, and I think we need to run more tests."

"What exactly did you find?"

"Indications of non-human strands in your DNA." Mordin "Might have existed before, might have not. Possible Cerberus involvement but unlikely, too advanced. Too many variables for complete analysis, need more tests."

"No previous medical data we have on file for you from the Alliance show these abnormalities," Dr. Chakwas interjected, "We don't even know if Cerberus discovered it."

"What do you mean non-human? It has to be Cerberus, they were able to bring me back and I'm not underestimating their capabilities. Any idea what the extra DNA could be for?" Shepard asked in disbelief

"No, too complex, need to map it and compare, will take time." Mordin replied deliberately ignoring the first part of her question.

"How much time? Do you have everything you need?"

"No. Don't have necessary items. Sur'Kesh would though. Know your busy but should go soon."

"Sur'Kesh? Your homeworld?" Shepard asked

"Yes. Equipped with advanced machinery and supplies. Access necessary for further analysis of your DNA."

"Okay, I will have Joker set a course for Sur'Kesh." Shepard agreed

"Tell crew mission is for me. Avoiding suspicion is necessary for moral." Mordin advised

"Thank you both for your help on this."

"Of course, Commander." they responded

Shepard took a minute to absorb the knowledge she had just received. It was some kind of relief to know that something was actually wrong. A part of her wanted the whole debacle to be in her mind, something that she could push aside, ignore or-if it came down to it-get professional help with. Having confirmation that something was indeed amiss with her body or mind was something she really wasn't prepared to deal with.

At least I'm not insane, she told herself, shaking her head as she walked towards the bridge in a daze.

* * *

At 1100 hours the entire team met in the conference room for a mission briefing.

"We're on our way to Sur'Kesh, the Salarian homeworld."

"Commander," Miranda spoke up with a warning tone to her voice, "We should be focusing on the Reaper threat."

"We are, but Dr. Solus needs to enlist the help of an associate on world that he believes can help him find an antidote to the Seeker Swarms paralytic." Shepard improvised while nodding towards the Salarian scientist

"I need to know the name of this associate Dr. Solus," Miranda demanded rather harshly as she glared at him, "we need to vet him, make sure he is trustworthy."

"His associate has expressed a desire for anonymity. Mordin has convinced me of his trustworthiness and If the Illusive Man objects to this mission I will personally remind him of the reason he brought me back...and then will promptly tell him to kiss my ass." Shepard responded abruptly, noticing Garrus' smile out of the corner of her eye. "Vakarian and I will accompany Dr. Solus to the rendezvous point in case we run into any trouble."

"I would like to be a member of the ground team." Miranda spoke up once again. "I need to see the results of this mission personally."

"I appreciate your enthusiasm Lawson, but I'm denying your request. You'll get the briefing when we return."

"Commander, I…" Miranda started

"Non-negotiable Lawson, You are free to respectfully voice your concerns but I cannot have you questioning and disobeying direct orders." Shepard interrupted

"Yes Commander." Miranda replied coldly.

"We have finished refueling and should be heading through the relay to Annos Basin in a few minutes. Joker said we should be docking no later than 1500, so Garrus, Mordin, be ready to go then. Dismissed."

Miranda was the first to stand and practically stomped out of the room, a look on annoyance and frustration on her face. Jacob, trying not to seem to obvious, rose quickly and left the room, no doubt chasing after her. Thane, Wrex, and Jack left soon afterwards and as they exited, Tali' once again brought up the field.

"Did you find anything in Cerberus' files Tali'?" Shepard asked her

"Nothing groundbreaking, Commander. Reports indicate extensive remodeling, It seems as if the longest part of the process was regrowing damaged portions of your internal organs and waiting on your brain to rewire itself. There are no reports of cybernetic enhancements or alterations to your memories or brain function."

"Have you found any reports of any abnormalities they discovered?" Shepard asked

"No, nothing like that Commander, but there is a file I cannot get access to."

"What do you need?"

"Only time, Commander. I'm running decryption algorithms and should have it cracked soon. I'll let you know as soon as I have it."

"Good work Tali'," Shepard commended the young Quarian. "Liara, what about you?"

"None of my contacts in and out of Cerberus have gotten any information, from what I can tell only a select team even knew of the project, Miranda and Jacob among them."

"Okay, I figured we wouldn't find much, thanks anyway."

"There is no indication that either operative is aware of our exact line of inquiry," Garrus spoke up, "I've been monitoring them and their tensions have rose and they have been avoiding the non-human crew members. I think they know somethings up, but am certain they don't know what that is."

"Thanks," Commander Shepard commended her crew, "I appreciate your time on this. Mordin has assured me that I'll get some answers on Sur'Kesh and I'll keep you apprised of the situation, You're dismissed. Oh…," she said before Tali' took down the field, "don't let Miranda off this ship when we dock."


	8. Chapter 8

The tropical planet's humidity hung in the air like a thick patch of fog and the heavily armored crew instantly felt it's draining effect.

"Please tell me the labs have air conditioning" Shepard asked Dr. Solus, hoping for a positive answer.

"Salarian scientists all work in humid conditions. Moisture in the air helps us think. Added benefit of staying hydrated."

"Well then, lets make this a fast trip." Shepard replied as Garrus grunted with approval.

"Reserved high-tech lab for use. Level four. Must take elevator" Mordin explained as he lead the way to the lab.

The open-air design of the labs made Shepard uncomfortably nervous as they traveled up the elevator to the lab. Salarians in lab coats watched them suspiciously as they made their through the corridors to the lab that Mordin reserved.

"Dr. Solus," The door guard rapidly spoke on their approach, "The room has been outfitted to your exact specifications, you may proceed."

Mordin thanked the guard and led them inside and Shepard was grateful to find herself in an enclosed space. She had no desire to have tests run without some semblance of solitude, and although the room was still stiflingly hot, the familiar hospital-like surroundings was comforting. Numerous machines lined the walls and a familiar looking metal table sat in the center of the room. A glass enclosed cylindrical machine was by far the largest object in the room and Shepard found herself hoping that whatever tests were about to be performed, they would be as non-invasive as possible.

"Remove armor, under-suit and lay on table." Mordin directed her, gesturing towards the metal slab as he bustled around preparing items for the tests.

Shepard started the long process of unclasping her armor piece by piece and was soon standing in nothing but the curve hugging fabric. She stood there for a moment searching for something like a typical hospital gown.

"Suit too." Mordin once again directed, getting anxious as he waited on her.

"Is there something I can put on?" Shepard asked tentatively.

"No," Mordin stated abruptly, "fabric only interferes."

Shepard paused for a moment and then knowing her face was getting red, turned around and started to drag the zipper on her suit down. She felt Garrus watching her as she started peeling back the suit, exposing her naked skin to the humid air. Had she been listening closely she would have heard a low rumble emanate from the Turian behind her.

"Uh…I should probably keep guard…It ah...it looks like you need privacy to run your tests." he managed to stumble out as he tried to exit the uncomfortable room as quickly as he could.

With the Turian gone, Shepard quickly finished disrobing with minimal further embarrassment and laid on the table as Mordin had directed her. She didn't often get naked in front of males, but knowing Salarian's analytical minds and their indifference to sex made the entire process less nerve wracking.

* * *

After what was probably hours of drawing her blood, taking samples, and miscellaneous testing, Mordin set all the samples to analyze and finally directed her to enter the giant glass cylindrical machine in the corner. She stood in the center as instructed, her arms and legs spread, as the tube closed around her and after a moment of silence, wound the large arm to a start, circling with increasing speed outside the tube.

After a few minutes and as the machine was winding down, the door to the lab hissed open and an armed and alarmed Garrus came running into the room. Shepard for a moment forgot her nudity and strained to hear what was going on outside the cylinder. She saw Garrus' expression change when his eyes finally found her, just as the scanner doors opened. Her face flushed momentarily as she stepped from the machine acutely aware of Garrus' mandibles twitching and his eyes roving about her body. She forced the redness from her cheeks.

"What's going on?" She asked quite alarmed

"Oh…right...Miranda. Tali' radioed that Miranda got off the Normandy. Sounds like she's headed right for us." Garrus finally explained after somewhat regaining his composure.

"She must have figured something out...throw me my suit" Shepard commanded, gesturing towards the table where it laid.

Garrus gripped it and threw it towards her trying not to stare as she bent forward, breasts dangling, as she pulled the tight material over her legs and finally removed the distraction.

"I ordered the guard to stop her." Garrus explained as he brought her armor over to her.

"That won't stop her, help me get this on." Shepard asked him frantically.

They worked quickly and in silence and as Shepard drew the last clasp on her armor the door opened. Miranda stepped through the threshold, dragging the panicked looking Salarian guard by his armor. Her body glowed blue with biotics and a determined type of rage was clearly written on her face. Miranda glared at them as she drew her pistol from her back and held it to the guard's head.

Garrus wasted no time throwing Shepard his assault rifle while reaching for his own pistol and soon they were all in a tense stand-off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Lawson." Shepard asked in an icy tone, her commanding presence out in full force.

"I should say the same thing about you. I told the Illusive Man we were stupid to trust you." Miranda shot back

"You have thirty seconds to release the Salarian before I drop you." Shepard demanded without a hint of uncertainty.

"Oh, him?" Miranda asked as the blue of her biotics intensified and the guard was flung across the room collapsing in an unconscious heap on the floor, "He was just in my way, and useful in getting your attention."

"You have my attention, now if you want your life you better explain yourself."

"I want to know why you're deviating from the mission, why you've been holding secret meetings, and," she said glaring at Garrus with nothing but hatred, "I want to know what your little band of aliens are doing spying on me."

"What makes you so sure any of this is going on?" Shepard asked trying to discern how much the Cerberus officer knew

"Let's just say EDI takes it personally when someone plugs her ears. You can't cut me out like this Shepard, I'm the only reason you're alive."

"You need to check yourself Lawson, you demand me to trust you but withhold just as much, if not more things from me. The only way I'm ever going to trust you is if you start pointing your guns where I do instead of at me." Shepard challenged, gesturing at Garrus and Mordin, who had also trained his gun on Miranda.

"I've been honest with you from day one. I brought you back from the fucking dead, dedicated two years of my life to you when I didn't even believe in you. And all you've ever treated me with is disdain."

"And you honestly blame me for that?"

"So this is all because it was Cerberus who brought you back?"

"No!" Shepard yelled with an edge to her voice that could make a Krogan piss himself, "This is because I was done." She paused, her breaths coming in hurried and ragged. "This...is because I watched my friends and hundreds of others die on my watch, because I had to do whatever it took to stop the Reapers, and I did it. I stopped them, but it didn't change anything. No one listened, no one cared, nothing changed. So why me Miranda? Why bring a failure back from the dead? What about Nihilus, or Kaiden? What about my parents or the millions upon millions of other lifeforms in the universe that are much more valuable than I am?

"Because you're the hero the Illusive Man thought we needed, Shepard." Miranda replied suddenly quiet, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"And for some reason you all thought I'd still want to bear that burden? No one thought, maybe Shepard won't want to fight anymore...maybe she's done...maybe we should leave her cold, lifeless body where it lay? Because honestly, I never really came back from the dead. I'm still there, every day, slowly dying, fighting to hold on to some semblance of my sanity and losing my grip on the few things that tether me to the rest of the world. I may be physically here, I will never leave that place behind."

"Shepard, I…"

"I don't want to hear it Miranda!" Shepard cut her off. "You didn't think what this would do to me, and you didn't think what this would do to those I left behind or what they will have to endure if I die again on this suicide mission. So forgive me if I'm not blindly jumping at the chance for another one-way ticket to death, which this time also includes the only people left in the world that matter to me." she finally stopped and took a breath, "So here's what's going to happen, You're going to put down your gun and take a seat, then you're going to tell me exactly how you brought me back, what you changed, and you're not going to leave the smallest detail out. Because I'm not going to ask my friends to risk their lives without knowing exactly what I am and what we're up against.

Miranda thought for a moment before resignation of her defeat spread across her face. She bent and slowly setting her pistol on the floor, walking over to the metal table and sitting down, a solemn expression on her face as she glanced around the room. "I guess I should have known Dr. Solus was running tests on you here, and I know you're looking for an explanation from me Shepard, but I don't know who altered your DNA."


	9. Chapter 9

"What do you mean you don't know?" Shepard asked in disbelief

"Exactly what it sounds like, I found it too when I first started work on you." Miranda explained

"Forgive me if I don't take your word on it."

"Look, I wanted to change you. I didn't think we could control you and it looks like I was right. I wanted to add a control matrix but the Illusive Man shot me down. He insisted you be pure, 100% the way you were before you died."

"There's no way I'm the same person I was before I died, I feel too different." Shepard replied

"Are we just going to ignore that bombshell she just dropped Shepard?" Garrus asked, his finger itchy on his pistol's trigger.

"For now yes, if I focus on it I'll get angrier, and if I get any angrier I'll kill her for sure." She replied to the frustrated Turian.

"I'll give you access to the research we did on it if you want, but I promise you Shepard, it wasn't Cerberus, and if it wasn't us than it must have always been you." Miranda pleaded

"You'll give anyone I say access to those files, you wont' leave anything out or censor anything. Now start talking, I want the whole goddamn truth." Shepard demanded.

* * *

Returning to the Normandy with their Cerberus babysitter in restraints caused quite a stir amongst the crew. After shoving the woman into a holding cell and ignoring Jacob's borderline insubordinate protests, Shepard once again called another meeting with her allies.

"Do you think Miranda's telling the truth?" Liara asked after Shepard finished briefing them on the mission's recent developments.

"I don't know, she was definitely convincing, but the only way we will know for sure is by analyzing that data she so graciously provided us access to." Shepard replied with a smirk.

"What can we do to help?" Tali' asked

"I'm going to give all of you complete access to the data, see what you can make of it and report back to me. Mordin is finishing up mapping my genetic structure in the Sur'Kesh lab and we will leave the system after he makes his final report."

"Do we have any information on how this could have happened Commander?" Liara asked intrigued.

"Cerberus are the only ones who had long-term access to you who also had the necessary technology to modify your genetic structure," Tali' expressed rather loudly.

"I agree it is the most likely solution, but from what I understand, it may be more complicated than that. We need to think of other options." Liara added

"Lawson said they couldn't decode those strands, if it's true we should see evidence of that attempt in the data files," Shepard remarked, "Depending on what we find in those files, we either take the issue to the Illusive Man himself, or find another direction to go in."

"What are you going to do with Miranda?" Garrus asked

"She'll stay in the holding cell for now. If her data corroborates her story I'll release her, if not we'll turn her over to Alliance Command."

"We can't trust her, we should turn her over either way." Garrus replied

"She'll stay benched, no missions or active duty, but if her story checks out we'll need her."

"Benching her is a small price to pay for threatening a commanding officer."

"It is, but handing her over would mean making us the Illusive Man's problem. I don't like our current relationship but right now it's working in our favor. I won't be the first to betray our fragile cease-fire"

"Understood Commander."

"I will call you all together again once Dr. Solus has returned from Sur'Kesh. Dismissed."

Shepard stayed standing until all her crew had filed out of the conference room. As the door hissed shut behind the last of them, she collapsed exhausted into a chair. She was so certain she would receive definitive answers that she wasn't prepared to only receive further questions. Her mind was swimming and her head was pounding as she struggled to sift through the events of the day. As much as she wanted to think in silence, her anxiety about the upcoming test results kept her from any real revelations.

Frustrated she returned to her quarters, hoping that once again a run on her treadmill would focus her mind elsewhere.

* * *

Shepard grew more and more irritable as the day waned on. It was close to 1900 hours when Mordin finally returned to the ship, and the knot in Shepard's stomach was growing larger by the second.

"Shepard, finished the work-up. Afraid you'll be unhappy with the result." Mordin stated as soon as she entered the Normandy's Tech Lab.

Shepard released an audible sigh. "Show me what you got."

"Mapping shows all necessary human DNA in place. No signs of alterations done to first set of DNA."

"Wait...first set? I don't understand."

"Portion of DNA in question not part of original biology. Additional DNA more like shadow of original makeup."

"So I have two sets of DNA?" Shepard asked still not understanding the implications

"Sort of. Original DNA is dominant, added strands are not complete set. Appears as natural mutation. Hard to find if don't know what to look for. Clearly engineered."

"How can you tell?"

"Indications of splicing and purposeful mutations. Unsure of implications however."

"So you don't think the second set is human?"

"Original set has only human nucleotides, secondary set unknown to me."

"Can you figure it out?"

"Will need to cross analyze genetic markers from multiple species. Will take time."

"Do what you need to do Dr. Solus, I'll be awaiting your results."

"Yes Commander." the Salarian replied, turning back to his work.

Shepard left the tech lab in a worse state of mind than when she entered it. Not wanting to deal with more questions, she exited briskly towards the elevator, ignoring both her crew and her promise to inform them of Mordin's findings, heading straight to the solidarity of her quarters once again.


	10. Chapter 10

Shepard didn't sleep calmly. The moment she shut her eyes her mind took her fears about her origins and twisted them into elaborate nightmares, turning her into the worst things she could imagine. Over and over again she saw herself slough off her human skin and transform into Husks, Reapers and Collectors, each more horrid and disfigured than the last. By the eighth transformation, she found herself wishing for her old nightmares to return.

It was early in the morning shift when Liara burst through her door. The commander was once again running furiously on her treadmill, headphones drowning out the world, and nearly jumped out of her skin when Liara grabbed her shoulder.

"What the hell Liara?" Shepard gasped as she ripped the ear buds out of her ears and jumped off the treadmill, her heart pounding as if to rip a hole in her chest, "How did you get in here?"

"EDI overrode the lock when you didn't respond, forgive me Commander, but there's something you need to see right away." Liara responded as she practically dragged the commander to the elevator doors and down to Mordin's lab.

"What's going on? Did you find something?"

"We were up all night comparing DNA to try to pinpoint relevant markers in the shadow strand."

"And?"

"I have a hunch," she said pausing for a moment, "and I can't believe I almost missed this." She fiddled with the display data. "This looks like something I once found in a Prothean artifact on a dig site."

The display screen Liara brought up showed nothing but gibberish that the commander couldn't make heads or tails of.

"Prothean?" Shepard asked, her eyes wide, "how could I have anything Prothean in me?"

"I don't think it's actually Prothean, just that I saw a similar genetic structure and organization in a Prothean artifact once."

"So whatever's wrong with me the Protheans were studying it too? How is that possible?

"There simply isn't enough data here for me to say anything for sure yet, but I think I know how we can find out."

"How?"

"All Prothean artifacts I found were transferred to Thessia for safekeeping and further study, If I can study it again, maybe I can find something I missed."

"Okay then," Shepard took a deep breath, forcing strength back into her voice, "EDI, patch me through to Joker."

"Commander?" Joker's voice broke through the coms

"Set a course for Thessia,"

"Right away Commander. I'm also supposed to inform you that the Illusive Man is waiting to speak with you."

"How long has he been waiting?" Shepard asked with a knowing tone in her voice

"You know me Shepard, not long at all…" She could almost hear the smirk on his face as the com clicked dead.

Shepard rolled her eyes and turned from the room, heading through the conference room doors meet with what she could only assume would be a very indignant Illusive Man.

The table lowered into the floor as she approached it, yellow lights scanning and projecting her holographic image to the Illusive Man's hidden sanctuary.

"Shepard," He started after taking a long drag on an almost depleted cigarette, "I don't like to be kept waiting."

"I've been busy, what do you want?"

"It's come to my attention that you have my operative in a cell, why?"

"I can't trust her. She pulled a gun on me and my crew, jeopardized a mission, and refuses to submit to direct orders."

"You went off book, stopped working towards our goal, Miranda was simply doing her job, realigning your priorities, if you will."

"I'm still doing my job, and I know what's at stake, you don't get killed by these fuckers and then just let the threat of their existence fade into the background." she reprimanded him somewhat harshly. "I thought you of all people would want me working at maximum capacity, and that's not going to happen until I get my questions answered."

"We can't afford any unnecessary delays."

"This is hardly unnecessary. A squad is only as good as it's commander, and If we can take side missions for the good of the individual crew-members, we can spare a few days for me."

"Fine, but I want detailed mission reports."

"You'll get them if and only if you turn over all the classified documents on the Lazarus project."

"I can't do that, the information is too sensitive, but I am willing to give you an access code that will get you in for five hours."

"And everything will be there?"

"Everything." the Illusive Man confirmed as he took the final drag on his cigarette. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

* * *

Shepard stood in the hallway, just around the corner from Miranda's makeshift cell. She had been pacing this spot of hallway for a full minute or so, trying to gather her thoughts before approaching the operative. Her eyes were buggy from rifling through the Lazarus logs, and her brain ached from the work of processing all that information. She took a breath to calm her rapidly beating heart and rounded the corner, walking slowly and methodically towards the Cerberus officer.

They stared back at each other, neither one of them speaking, until Miranda broke the silence.

"I told you we had nothing to do with it."

"And now I believe you."

"Took you long enough." Miranda shot back indignantly

"Watch yourself Lawson."

A stubborn silence filled the room once again.

"So the Illusive Man gave you access?"

"Yes, to all files, video logs, everything."

"And?"

"I told you, I believe you. Cerberus had nothing to do with the alterations in my DNA."

"So what are you here for?"

"To negotiate the terms of your release."

"I'm listening."

"I want you to help Mordin. I'm sure you have your own theories about the alterations, and he could use your help, seeing as how you know my inner workings so well. You'll be let out of the cell and have use of your own quarters, but you will continue to be barred from active duty. You will also be confined to decks three and four with an escort required for movement to and from Mordin's lab"

"I can work within those terms," Miranda replied after thinking for a few seconds, "Where is Mordin at currently?"

"Right now the working theory is that someone spliced my DNA with something, Mordin and Dr. Chakwas are cross-referencing right now to see if they can find any commonalities, and we're headed to Thessia to work on a hunch Liara has."

"Are any other possible theories being considered?"

"Like what?" Shepard asked confused

"That no one ever altered you in the first place."


	11. Chapter 11

It was 0200 hours when Shepard stepped out from the elevator onto the crew deck and was greeted with a loud bang that echoed down the hallway. Feeling investigative, she followed the string of curses and subsequent knocking sounds to find a frustrated Garrus throwing things about in the Main Battery.

"Keep it down Garrus, you're going to wake up the whole ship," She scolded him with a smile on her lips, "Things not going so well?"

"If you took better care of your ship," He grunted while kicking the side of the console, "I wouldn't have to bother anyone." He gave the console one final kick and the dented platform sprang to life. He turned to Shepard with amusement in his eyes. "And you doubted me."

"I never doubt you Garrus, you know all the sweet spots." and as soon as the words left her mouth she blushed at the unintentional double entendre, and quickly redirected the conversation. "So what's in need of calibrating now?"

"What doesn't?" he asked sarcastically, "did my antics wake you?"

"No, sleep has been eluding me lately, might as well stop trying."

"I think it's slipping through all our fingers," he nodded in agreement, "There's only so much one can sleep with all that has been going on lately."

"Unfortunately, I think my anxiety is rubbing off on all of you."

"Have you been able to process it all yet?"

"No," Shepard said, shifting her weight from one leg to the other, "I think that's going to take a long time, I've had so much thrown at me in the past few days that I can't even catch my breath. It's like I finally process one thing, and then a curve-ball gets thrown in that overturns everything I thought I was going to be comfortable with."

"So who threw the latest?"

"Miranda…"

"What did she say?" Garrus asked, a little too demanding

"It's probably nothing."

"If it was nothing, it wouldn't be bothering you so much."

"She...she said that she thinks I may not have been altered at all."

"That is a curve-ball," Garrus replied as he sucked in a breath, his mandibles flaring.

"If that means what I think it means, that I was born with this, shadow DNA," she said making air quotes with her fingers, "then this whole issue gets that much more impossible."

"Is there any indication she's right? You had medical testing done before in the Alliance, do you think they would have missed something that crucial?"

"Mordin had to run a lot of specialized tests just to find it, I doubt anyone else could have caught it. That plus Liara's Prothean hunch, I just don't know what to believe anymore. I kind of wish I never asked the question at all." Shepard replied shaking her head.

"Well the good news is we know it wasn't Cerberus. You don't have to worry about not being in control of your own mind anymore, and we'll take the rest as it comes. That's got to feel like a win." Garrus replied as he slowly walked towards her, resting a three-fingered hand on her shoulder to reassure her.

"It does, but at the same time it doesn't. Cerberus was solid, a organization I could fight, blood I could spill. Taking that off the table means there's no real battle to be won anymore, and all I know how to do is fight battles. I couldn't fight space, I can't fight Protheans, and I can't fight myself."

Garrus' mandibles flared as he tried to suppress a laugh. "I apologize, but if anyone can bring a Prothean back from extinction just to kick it's ass, it's you. However for some reason I can't picture kicking ass in anything but your human skin anymore."

Shepard slugged him in his armored shoulder as she blushed and cracked a smile and chuckled along with him.

A comfortable silence filled the room and Shepard became acutely aware of his hand lingering on her shoulder. She could hear her heart pounding and knew that he could hear it too. As if he could read her mind, he quickly removed his hand, accidentally brushing it down her arm as he retreated back into his personal space, sending a noticeable shiver down her spine and causing her skin to break out in rows of goosebumps.

They made eye contact, and a rush of desire pulsed through her lonely body.

"Garrus…" she practically whispered as he took a step towards her as if he was drawn to her like some kind of magnet.

They stood together, each breathing the other's air, feeling the heat radiate off the other's body. Both aching to reach out to the other, but neither willing to take the first step and risk breaking the moment.

Shepard, her mind racing, brought her face towards his, not knowing how he'd react if she kissed him like every cell in her body was screaming for her to do. She felt a jolt as Garrus' hand gripped her arm again and she saw a mixture of doubt and confusion flash in his eyes. The tension broken, Shepard pulled away from his gaze and stammered out a few apologies as she retreated from him, nearly running into the door that was too slow to open on her way out, leaving Garrus to catch his breath and stare dumbfoundedly after her.

She heard nothing until she hit the elevator, and then the sound of his footsteps preceded his armored figure bursting in beside her. Avoiding his gaze she heard him growl something about insubordination and found her back pressed against the metal wall as Garrus kissed her with all the ferocity he could muster, his hands tangled in her hair, their bodies burning where they touched. Shepard fought back for a moment and then finally conceded, letting herself melt in his grasp and returning his passion with all the fire she'd been holding back.

As the elevator doors opened to her quarters she pushed him backwards, both of them furiously shedding the other's clothing, until she shoved him backwards onto the bed. She watched him with lustful eyes as he examined her, then flicking his eyes upwards, she saw him stiffen and pause. As he looked back at her, the passion in his eyes extinguished, replaced by nothing but concern and a hint of pity she was sure he was trying to hide.

She froze, trying not to show her pain as he slowly stood up and walked passed her, muttering only "I'm sorry, I can't" as he picked up the bits of his armor and left the room, leaving her to swallow the rejection. She returned to her bed and laid on the warmth he had left behind, staring up at that black cloth that covered the window to space which betrayed her unshakable facade, revealing the true depth of her neurosis.


	12. Chapter 12

The peaceful mission to Thessia gave Shepard good reason to leave Garrus behind as Liara, Mordin and herself made their way to what, from Liara's description, she gathered was a museum of sorts. The inverted funnel shaped buildings dotted the horizon in every direction they looked, and the familiar hue of biotic blue rippled at the edges of the horizon line.

"I filed all the necessary paperwork to get us into the building on the way over and receive approval as we docked," Liara explained as they walked one of the Eezo filled world's innumerable sky-ways.

"We will be able to examine the artifact then?" Shepard asked

"Yes, If it's not on public display it will be in the vault, and since I was the researcher who brought it back, I'm one of the few people who can study it outside of those at the institute."

The building towered over them as they approached the entrance, and as the Asari in uniform beckoned them inside, they were treated to a large room filled with artifacts of all shapes and sizes, the tallest of Shepard recognized as the beacon from her first mission to Eden Prime.

"So what exactly is the artifact were looking?"

"The best we could ascertain, it's some sort of medical manifest," Liara explained as she poured over an inventory list she had received from the receptionist.

"Why would that be important?"

"After you died, I joined a team of researchers on Ilos. We started excavating and examining many of the cryo pods that were there and found that each pod was customized with the medical records and personal history of each being they contained. Every pod we collected, was eventually matched to a dead Prothean, except for one. That data pack is the only one we never matched to a pod or body."

"And this is the data pack that had the similarities to my genetic structure?"

"Yes and no, I spent countless hours pouring over the genetic markers and I'm pretty sure the pattern I saw in yours is the pattern I observed on the data pack. The similarities might end there or they might not, I wasn't exactly looking for anything out of the ordinary during my original examination."

"Well let's go find this thing then." Shepard gestured to and followed Liara's lead as she started walking them through the halls that were peppered with stone statues, pods, bodies, and other artifacts.

"How many bodies are here?" Shepard asked

"I believe only 20 are on display in various stages of life, but there are hundreds of them down in the labs."

"What kind of research are they doing on them?"

"Anything really. We don't know much about their society, or how they lived, so by studying their skeletal systems and pod data we can finally get a more accurate picture of what they were like. It's fascinating work, but I don't really miss it all that much." Liara's voice trailed off as they came to a stop near a glass case.

"Is this the artifact?"

"Yes, the disk in the center holds the pod data."

"And what about that sphere." Shepard asked, pointing to a greenish-blue hued object on a pedestal in the corner of the case."

"It was found with the disk but no one has been been able to discover it's use yet."

Liara pressed her hand against the glass case and after a few moments of a subtle whirring noise, the case lit up green and Liara removed the lid, revealing the artifacts to the outside air.

"I will have to run the disk to the lab to analyze it. I shouldn't be gone more than an hour." Liara announced as she headed towards the roped-off staircase that led to the lower levels.

Shepard passed the time during Liara's absence by roaming the exhibits, pausing to read &amp; analyze whatever she found there, but she always seemed to be drawn back to the sphere.

"Mordin?" She grabbed the Salarian's attention.

"Yes Commander?"

"Last time I came into contact with something Prothean I could get visions simply by touching things or coming into contact with the beacons. Do you think something like that would still work after my death?"

"Insufficient data, would have to do more tests" he replied.

Shepard thought for a moment and then reached her hand into the glass case and hesitated only momentarily before picking the orb up and holding it in the palm of her hand. For a moment nothing happened, but Shepard found her hand growing steadily warmer until it got to hot to bear but she could no longer command her body to drop it. She was concentrating so hard on the object that when she finally tore her eyes away and examined her surroundings, she found she was no longer in the research station nor was she on the Asari home-world any longer.

Still grasping the orb, Shepard started to walk, examining the stagnant world around her. The silence was deafening. Familiarity scratched at the back of her mind as she walked through the marshy wetlands and climbed through a forest that was cast in a eerie shade of red. Cresting the hill and winding down a narrow path she turned a corner to have her suspicions confirmed. Before her stood Ashley Williams guarding the beacon that was just removed from the dig site. Shepard's breath hitched in her throat as the memory of losing her on Virmire came rushing back.

Shepard's fingers laxed absentmindedly and the orb slipped from her grasp, falling in slow-motion until it shattered upon the hard ground. The frozen world suddenly sprang to life again, and Shepard could only watch helplessly as Sovereign descended from the sky and the innocent people erupted into screams of terror.

As the world around her faded out and the voices of the dying receded into the background, Shepard was slowly brought out of her vision and back into reality.

"Shepard" Liara's voice rang loudly in her ears

She shook her mind from the vision and focused on Liara's voice until her vision cleared.

"Are you done?" she asked the Asari

"Yes, but what was happening to you?"

"I'm not sure, I think it was from this though." She held out the sphere in her hands for Liara to examine.

"You got another vision?" she exclaimed with fascination in her voice as she picked up and stared at the sphere as if she was trying to get it to speak to her too.

"Is that something I should be concerned about? Shouldn't whatever the beacon did to my head be gone by now?"

"Honestly, I'd be more worried if you couldn't interact with these artifacts anymore. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. What did you see?"

"Eden Prime," Shepard answered, "I think something's back on Eden Prime."


	13. Chapter 13

"Joker," Shepard shouted as she, Liara, and Mordin ran aboard the Normandy, "Take us up and set a course for Eden Prime."

"Eye, eye Commander." he shouted back from the bridge and Shepard could feel the engines rumble and the ship jostle as they started preparation for take-off.

"Liara, meet me in the conference room in ten minutes for a brief on what you found on the artifact. I'm going to change and be right back down."

"Alright Shepard," Liara responded as Shepard walked past her towards the elevator.

"Commander!" Yeoman Chambers grabbed her attention

"What is it Chambers?"

"I was hoping to speak with you."

"Walk with me? I'm in the middle of something."

"Sure," the Yeoman replied as she followed the commander into the elevator.

"What do you need?"

"I wanted to talk about you."

"What about me?"

"Your stress level and health particularly."

"I appreciate the gesture Chambers, but I told you before I don't need a shrink."

"With all due respect Commander, I must insist. The crew has noticed..."

"What crew?" Shepard harshly cut her off, "Garrus?"

The look of avoidance on the Yeoman's face betrayed her.

"Garrus is in no place to speak with you about me. What did he say?"

"He's just concerned and from what I hear he has a right to be, You're showing all the signs of PTSD Commander…" she was cut off again.

"PTSD?" Shepard asked a little too forcefully, "Look, I'm fine. I'm dealing with my resurrection, and from the looks of things, I'm really close to finding some answers and finally getting closure. The last thing I need is my crew thinking and spreading rumors that I'm unfit for duty."

"None of us think that, you're an incredible Commander and that's never going to change. I'm just trying to make sure you're taking time to care for yourself."

"I'm fine Chambers, thank you for your concern but I really must go." And as abruptly as the conversation started, Shepard ended it, stepping through her door and sealing the entrance behind her.

* * *

Ten minutes later Shepard entered the conference room where Liara was waiting for her.

"So what did the artifact tell you? Was your hunch correct?"

"Knowing what I do now about your DNA, yes, it appears that whoever was in the pod that this data corresponded to was in fact genetically similar to you."

"How is that even possible?"

"I have no idea."

"So me and some Prothean that died over 50 millennia ago share the same DNA?"

"No, just the shadow set. But the fact that this phenomenon is no longer unique to you is puzzling, especially over such a long time differential."

"Do you think there could be others too?"

"Without genetic testing on an impossible scale we will never know, but I think our best bet is to see if we can find this pod. Analyzing the Prothean's dead body would give us more insight than this data module ever could."

"Any ideas on where to start?"

"Not yet, I'll do some digging around while you're on Eden Prime and see what I can discover on the Shadow Broker's intel."

"I was hoping you'd accompany me, I'm sure whatever is on Eden Prime is another artifact and you'd be a valuable asset."

"Of course, Commander. I don't really need to be here to personally search, I will set the parameters and accompany you to the ground."

With a quick thanks Shepard turned, leaving Liara to her work, and with all the determination she could muster, headed down to the Main Battery. She didn't want to confront Garrus, but she knew it was going to happen sooner or later, and she had to convince herself that it was better to get it out of the way now than have it poison their partnership and erode their battlefield synergy.

She paused outside the battery doors and took a deep breath. Her heart was racing and it took all her years of Alliance training to finally gain the courage to step inside. She kept her disposition as stoic and commander-like as possible as she announced her entrance.

"Vakarian, I need to have a word with you."

"Commander." he replied, noticeably startled, but managed to acknowledge her presence with a more official than usual nod.

"Yeoman Chambers had a word with me and expressed that some members of the crew were concerned about my mental health. I assume I'm correct in my assumption that you spoke with her."

"I did."

"I appreciate your concern Vakarian, but I do not take kindly to my crew spreading rumors about me being unfit for duty."

"With all due respect Commander, I said nothing of the sort."

"I don't think I have much choice but to take you off active rotation for a while." Shepard explained, watching as he grew hot with anger as the words came out of her mouth.

Though noticeably trying to suppress it, his anger saturated every word with a deep growl. "This has nothing to do with Chambers and everything to do with me walking out on you."

"This is strictly a professional matter. I can't have someone watching my six who thinks my head's a mess and who will question every decision and order I make."

"Well then bench your whole damn crew!" he shouted at her.

Shepard flinched, his words stabbing into her, breaking her carefully constructed calm demeanor.

"How many people have you talked to!"

"No one! I defend you!"

"What?"

"Tali, Liara &amp; I are the only ones here who know exactly what you're capable of accomplishing under pressure, and right now, we're the only ones who aren't questioning you."

Shepard was speechless and slumped against the wall in disbelief as Garrus continued.

"I knew you weren't okay since the second you saved my ass on Omega, but if anyone can bounce back from the dead it's you. The more shit you go through the more everyone gets the hell out of your way, I've seen you do it a thousand times. The only reason I went to Chambers was because I finally saw how different this time is."

"I'm handling this." Shepard replied in a smaller voice than she hoped it would be.

"No, you're ignoring this. I've been a soldier all my life, I've seen how this ends and you need help."

"I don't need help, I haven't needed help my entire life, and I don't have PTSD"

"Do you really think you can prove me wrong?" he asked, his voice almost pleading with her, "What about the nightmares and lack of sleep we both know you have, the guilt and depression I can read in your eyes? And why do you have a black cloth hanging over your bed if not to cover up the window which I assume triggers flashbacks?"

"No," she said to softly, trying to force the tears back into her eyes that were threatening to spill down her cheeks, "I'm fine, I'm getting through this, one day at a time."

"Your not fine, admit it," his voice calming and falling back into a lower register, "and then start fixing it." he stepped towards her, taking a lock of hair that had fallen in front of her face and moving to tuck it behind her ear.

"Don't," Shepard replied flinching away from him and refusing to meet his gaze.

"I...I shouldn't have ran out on you without explanation…" he said calmly, drawing ever closer to her.

"Stop!" she hissed as she pushed his hand away, "I don't need one."

"But I owe you one," he replied as he grabbed her arms in an attempt to keep her from fleeing.

"No, you don't. I'm your commanding officer, nothing should have happened and It won't happen again. Besides, it shouldn't have been news to me that you're not interested in humans."

"I…" Garrus began but she cut him off sharply, pushing away from him

"You're back on active duty &amp; If you're okay with it, I'd like to request you accompany me on Eden Prime in the morning." Shepard turn and left the room wishing with all her might that she didn't wish he would have come after her.


	14. Chapter 14

"Approaching drop point." The Kodiak shuttle's pilot announced over the intercom.

Shepard and her team were lost in an uncomfortable silence as they awaited their final descent to the surface of Eden Prime. She wished the shuttle had windows that she could look out to occupy her mind with, but instead she was stuck trying not to watch Garrus out of the corner of her eye.

"Do you know what you're looking for?" Liara's melodic voice broke the silence.

"No, but I have a general idea of where to start." Shepard replied.

"Well, I got permission from the curator to remove this," she said as she rummaged through her bag and pulled out the Prothean disk, "I hope it will be of some use to us."

"The data module?"

"I don't know if it will be useful or not, but I hoped you might be able to interact with it like you did the sphere and maybe get more information."

"Thank you Liara," Shepard said as she took the disk from her, "I really appreciate you coming along today and helping me figure this out," she paused and glanced as Garrus, their eyes meeting so briefly she wasn't sure it happened at all, "both of you."

The shuttle jolted as it touched down and as the doors opened, the battle hardened trio got their first look at Eden Prime.

"It looks so different." Shepard spoke without wanting to.

"In a bad way or a good way?" Liara asked.

"Both. There's life here, people are back living and working in the colony, even the sky isn't blood red anymore."

"Than how is it bad?" Garrus asked

"It just feels so haunted now." Shepard replied stepping from the Kodiak onto the damp grass below.

As her boots made contact with the ground below them, the disk she forgot she was holding started to warm in her hand and pulse gently, almost happily, against her armored gauntlet. She stared at it for awhile, expecting to be pulled into another vision, but when she looked back up nothing had changed.

"No luck?" Liara asked

"Nope, nothing." Shepard replied with a tinge of sadness as she started moving over the familiar terrain towards the settlement in the distance.

They walked in silence, over hills and through marshes until Shepard stopped abruptly, staring out ahead of her with a look of determination in her eyes.

"Up ahead is the location of the first dig site where the beacon was uncovered. That's where the vision on Thessia brought me."

"It looks abandoned." Liara observed

"I don't blame them, last time they dug something up this whole section of the colony was almost wiped out."

Shepard trudged onward towards the dig site, stopping only when she reached it and the memorial wall that commemorated those lost in Sovereign's attack. The memorial wall was bigger than she expected and a rough estimate put the names of the dead at over 300. She slowly examined every picture taped to it and every bundle of flowers left in commemoration of the dead and paused for a moment of silence for those written on the wall, those she arrived too late to save. It was then that the gentle heated pulse of the data module reminded her of it's presence.

"It's either my imagination, or this thing is speeding up." she announced as pulled the disk out and she showed it's peculiar behavior to Liara.

She pulled out her Omni-tool and started typing away furiously, intrigued by the device's strange behavior.

"This thing is picking up on some sort of signal!" she exclaimed

"Can you find the source?"

"I can't track it, it's so old it's probably using a foreign frequency."

"It only activated once we touched down," Garrus interjected, "perhaps it's reacting to proximity?"

"That would explain why it's increasing as we advance." Liara agreed

"So we're playing a literal game of hot &amp; cold with a 50,000 year old Prothean artifact." Shepard commented with a smirk, thinking back to the games of it she would play with her brother when they were children.

She took a moment and walked in a large circle, staring at the disk as she went. Eventually she tightened her search, narrowing it down to where the pulse seemed to be at it's strongest point.

"Alright," she said speaking to the disk, "take me to your leader."

* * *

They had been trekking for a few hours in almost complete silence when Shepard finally stopped to catch her breath. The pulses the disk was giving off had increased dramatically from when they first started out and she could feel the heat growing steadily stronger as she pushed forward.

The earth-like terrain had opened up to a series of valleys and rocky outcroppings and peering into the distance Shepard could make out what seemed to be a system of caves dotting the rock face. Following a hunch she headed straight towards the first of the caves and sure enough, the pulses continued to grow stronger as she approached.

"Whatever is sending this signal has to be in these cave systems."

"Most likely multiple cave-ins over the years have cut off access to whatever is down there," Liara cautioned.

"Probably, but if signal is getting through after all this time there must be something down there that is still operational." Shepard responded with growing anticipation. "Let's take it slow, watch your step. I'll take point, Garrus, watch our six."

She pulled up her Omni-tool and reached out to the Normandy. "Joker,"

"Commander,"

"We're heading into an underground cave system. I'm activating our locators now. If we lose contact, wait an hour and then send a team in after us."

"Roger that, watch for falling rocks." Joker responded as he noted their exact coordinates, making sure he was picking up their signals.

Shepard took a moment to reorganize her weapons, pulling out her Avenger and mounting a flashlight to it. "Stay close," she directed as took her first steps into the cave, her team following behind, as the mysterious cavern swallowed them.


	15. Chapter 15

It was more than easy to get lost in the winding cave system, and as they wound deeper and deeper underground Shepard became ever more aware of the suffocating walls that surrounded her. The cold, damp air was somehow permeating her suit and as hard as she tried, she could not stop the shivers that were coursing up and down her spine.

"How is our progress?" she asked her team, her voice barely above a whisper as they gingerly traversed the treacherous terrain, tossing flares every so often to mark their descent path.

"We've descended a little over a kilometer" Garrus informed her

"And our readings?"

"Oxygen is holding steady but I am picking up higher readings of carbon dioxide and methane, but so far it's still within acceptable levels."

"Are we getting any closer?" Liara asked

"It's hard to tell, the pulses are too close together." Shepard responded. Distracted, she caught her foot on a ledge she couldn't see and tumbled forward. Throwing her hands out in front of her she hid the ground with a loud thud that reverberated through rocky cavern.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Liara asked coming to her aide.

"I'm fine, just clumsy." She responded as she picked herself up off the ground, "Did that sound metallic to anyone else?"

"Yes, because it is," Garrus confirmed as he came up beside her, the blue glow of his visor casting dramatic shadows on his chiseled features.

She watched as he pulled the visor from his head and felt his gloved hand brush against her face as he held it up to her right eye sending a different type of shiver through her body.

"I didn't know this thing had night vision," she commented with a hint of jealousy in her voice

"Look at the ground."

She did as he instructed and sure enough, the floor in this part of the cavern was noticeably smoother than the surrounding cave floor. From what she could tell the metallic surface stretched to the far ends of the cavern.

"This must be a bunker of some kind." she said as she returned Garrus' visor to him. "The main entrance must have been buried under these rocks years ago."

"So we're on the roof?" Liara asked, still seeing nothing but darkness

"Most likely," Shepard answered

"Is that an entrance?" Garrus asked directing her towards a protrusion on the floor.

"No," Shepard replied with a grunt as she tried to lift it up, "It's some sort of vent, but I think it's the only access were going to find."

"Here," Garrus said as he walked over to help and together they managed to crack it open wide enough for their bodies to slip through.

Shepard stuck her gun through the hole and using the light, quickly scoped out the interior of the room below them.

"Looks clear." She announced as she lit and threw two flares inside. "It looks to be about a four meter drop to the ground. I'll go first, Liara follow, then Garrus."

Shepard swung her legs over the hole and after taking a breath, pushed off. She hit the ground gracefully and keeping her momentum going, rolling through the fall to a crouching position, simultaneously drawing her firearm and scanning the room.

The light from the flares cast ominous shadows on the cracks and deformities in the ancient interior and Shepard found herself truly amazed that the bunker was still standing. The walls were dotted with ovular pods that stretched as far as she could see, reminding her of the rows and rows of similar pods on Ilos.

After a moment of silence she motioned up to Liara and soon the Asari landed gently beside her. She heard a small squeal of excitement.

"Pods!" Liara gasped as she finally realized what she was looking at. Shepard couldn't suppress her smile.

She motioned again to the ceiling and soon Garrus fell in behind them.

"How many of them do you think there are?" Liara asked breathless

"Easily over 100." Shepard responded as she pulled out the disk and started running it over the pods near her, hoping for some kind of response.

"It's horrible to think that all the work they put into preserving their people was all for nothing." Liara mused.

"Well, hopefully they left enough behind for us to find what were looking for." Shepard replied.

They fanned out and slowly searched the room, finding pod after pod full of dead Prothean.

"A lot of these look like civilians, they have no armor or weapons of any kind in their pods." Liara observed out loud. "They must have been part of the ancient colony here, which certainly explains why no bodies were ever unearthed during excavations of their cities."

"Any reaction from the disk yet?" Garrus asked

"Nothing so far," Shepard started to respond, but was forced to stop mid-sentence as she felt a sudden surge of heat through the device in her hand. "Scratch that, something's definitely setting this thing off."

"Shepard!" Liara yelled from further down the hallway "You need to come see this."

Shepard pulled away from what she was doing and jogged down the rubble filled hallway to where Liara was standing. As she moved the disk had gone from orange to white hot and she could feel the heat transferring all up her arm, her skin threatening to singe and blister under the intensity.

"What is it?" she asked, wincing through the pain

"There's something peculiar about this pod." Liara replied. "I've been able to access every other pod so far except for this one

"Can you read it's data module?"

"I should be able to, let me check," Liara said as she pulled up her Omni-tool and started examining the pod, a frown pulling down the edges of her mouth. "It…It doesn't have one."

"Well, I can probably guess why this one is about to melt my arm off then," Shepard responded, anxious to set the disk down. "Help me find how to put this thing in."

Liara studied the pod for a moment, pushing buttons as she went. "Give it here." she said as she stretched her hand, grabbing the disk from Shepard's hand.

"Liara no! It's too hot!" Shepard tried to warn before she touched it, but as Liara's hand closed around it the words died in her throat.

"It's not even warm, Shepard."

"That's impossible, I could feel it burning through my armor!"

"It could be some sort of Prothean security measure…" Garrus spoke up.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked

"A Prothean artifact leading to a Prothean bunker holding Prothean people in stasis chambers. Make sense that they would only want it to be found by a Prothean, or in your case, someone able to interact with their artifacts."

"It makes sense," Liara agreed, "I doubt we would have ever been able to find this place if you hadn't interacted with the beacon here last time."

"Well, their plan didn't work so well did it now, they're all dead anyway." Shepard commented.

"I'm sure they didn't expect to be here for so long, like Ilos, they probably just ran out of power and slowly shut them down, exterminating an entire race one person at a time."

"Well, if this disk really goes with this pod than this is the Prothean with the same mutation," Shepard announced, "Let's plug it in."

Liara lined the disk up over the slot and waited for Shepard to signal her to proceed. Shepard gave a curt nod and watched as the Asari took a deep breath and slowly inserted the disk, snapping it into place.

For Shepard, everything started moving in slow motion. The world around her muffled and she barely registered the deep groaning hum as the pod read the inserted disk. She could hear her heart beat loudly in her ears and she felt the room warm as the rim of the oval shaped pod started to glow, bathing the decrepit room in a harsh white light.

Her eyes squeezed shut to block out the brightness that overwhelmed her vision and she could feel the vibrations that Garrus' emitted whenever he spoke. As her eyes adjusted to the new level of light in the room, she noticed her hearing slowly start to return. Her heart however, refused to return to it's resting rhythm.

It took her a few moments to realize that the pod had changed shape and the once smooth cylindrical object had now opened and was jutting out at all sorts of angles. Her heart in her throat, she took a tentative step towards the pod, and then she took another.

A cracking noise coming from the pod reminded her of Earth's spring thaw when the ice on the rivers would crack and buck under the weight of the melting snow atop it. Her curiosity, desperate to be satiated, drove her to take the last step towards the pod and she carefully peeked over the raised edge, getting her first glimpse of the dead prothean inside.

It lay still and silent, it's four eyes closed almost peacefully as it clutched some sort of weapon to it's chest. It's armor was beaten and scarred like the creature's blue-green tinted face, and Shepard silently wished that it was happy in whatever afterlife it believed in. She felt Liara and Garrus approach from behind her.

"A warrior!" Liara gasped as she glimpsed the dead armored creature for the first time

...and then it opened it's eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

Shepard shouted a string of curse words as she jumped back, her system exuding nothing but pure adrenaline as her brain tried to to process what had just happened. Garrus had retreated as well, although clearly for improved tactical advantage instead of in fear, as he had his weapon drawn and calmly taking aim at the pod which held the impossible Prothean.

The only one remaining near the pod was Liara, staring at the being inside with tears visibly running down her face.

"He…he's alive…" she barely managed to say, a joyful sorrow welling up in her voice.

Before she could finish speaking, a blue flash lifted her, slamming the Asari into the crumbling wall behind her. Shepard watched as her friend slumped to the floor and for a horrible second all she could think about was the possibility of her friend's death. It wasn't until a soft groan escaped Liara's lips that Shepard broke into action.

"Go to Liara," Shepard ordered Garrus as she stood slowly with her weapon drawn. She watched as Garrus lept to Liara's side strategically placing himself between the confused Prothean and their injured friend as he applied Medi-gel to her injuries.

With a primal grunting noise the Prothean heaved his stiff body out and over the side of the pod, crumpling to the ground as he tried to stand on his atrophied legs. He crawled clutching his weapon to a darkened corner, his eyes wildly darting back and forth as he tried to comprehend what was happening to him. Shepard let him have a minute of silence and did not speak until his four eyes met her two.

"We are not going to hurt you." She spoke slowly and calmly at the Prothean, lowering her gun ever so slightly as a gesture of good faith.

"Shepard…" Garrus warned as he watched the interaction, overly concerned about the weapon in the Prothean's hands.

"No matter what happens, don't interfere." She ordered her friend as she kept her eyes locked with the Prothean's. "How's Liara?"

"Stabilizing." Garrus responded.

Shepard took her right hand off the trigger and held it aloft, the universal sign of surrender, as she slowly lowered herself to the floor and laid the weapon down on the debris littered floor. She stayed crouched at his level and gestured to herself, "Shepard, Human," then she pointed to the cowering Prothean.

"J….Javik, Prothean." he stuttered out in a foreign heavily accented voice Shepard could barely understand.

"Javik," Shepard mimicked the foreign language to the best of her ability as she slowly inched closer to him until the gap between them had closed to half a meter. His fingers had relaxed slightly on his weapon and the biotic blue shimmer on his skin had faded so much it was almost indistinguishable. Shepard took advantage of the momentary calm and slowly extended her arm to him

"I want to help." she told him, not knowing if he could understand her.

Javik looked as if he was weighing his options and he soon exhaled and tentatively extended his hand towards Shepard's.

As soon as their hands touched, Shepard felt a shock go through her body, Javik was still in front of her, but this time he was standing tall and proud, his shiny armor untarnished by the passing of years. The bunker they were in had transformed as well, the crumbling interior was replaced by freshly laid walls and the formerly broken pods appeared new and pulsed with life.

"What happened?" Shepard asked the mysterious Prothean.

"These are our last days." Javik responded, his voice rumbled with every word.

"You can understand me?"

"As we touch I am reading your physiology, your way of communication is primitive, your language simplistic."

"As we touch? Is this how your people communicate?"

"Answer me one question and I will answer yours."

"I'll try."

"How long since I was frozen?"

"About 50,000 years."

"And my people?" He asked with sadness in his voice

"Gone." Shepard told him as gently as she could.

"I sense you are sad for me, but also angry and confused. A series of events have brought you here and you don't know why."

"You sense?"

"All life provides clues for those who can read them. Your cells, your DNA, experience is a biological marker."

"You can read those clues?"

"We can, you are doing it now."

"So this because of the beacon?"

"You've interacted with a beacon?" Javik asked, his voice getting stronger and more enraged. As he stared into her eyes she could feel the beacon's vision tugging at the back of her mind and soon she was reliving every second of the nightmares she experienced all those years ago. "So you've seen it, our warnings, Why weren't they headed? Why didn't you prepare for the Reapers?"

"No one could understand them" Shepard explained as she winced through the pain of reliving the vision, trying her best to calm the angering Prothean.

"Your communication is too primitive in this cycle, I did not know a creature such as yourself could interact with our advanced technology and live."

"It almost killed me." She tentatively agreed with him, "but we pieced together what we could, we stopped a Reaper invasion two years ago."

"Then you delayed your extinction, but have not halted it."

"So they are planning to return?"

"Most definitely, Is this why you have awaken me?

"No, I was unaware of this until now"

"Then why were you seeking me."

"Its hard to explain."

"Then let me see." Javik demanded, and she could feel memories clawing their way to the surface that were once firmly rooted to the deepest recesses of her mind. He had started young, much too young, and the first images that flashed before her were of her childhood, her brother, mother and father. Memories that started happy, but quickly turned dark as one by one she relived each of their passing. She could feel hot tears running down her face but could do nothing to wipe them away as her past kept flooding her mind.

Her years in the Alliance were next, followed by her defeat of Sovereign, and ending with the attack on the Normandy and her last few painful breaths of life.

"You have perished." Javik stated, interrupting the stream of memories and allowing Shepard to catch her breath.

"I have, That's why I'm here." she answered shakily, bracing for the next set of images.

This time she was in the Cerberus Medical bay and then she was suddenly back on the Normandy SR2. She then found herself on Omega saving Garrus and all of her most treasured moments with him. In the flashes that followed she saw herself addressing her crew, reliving the hours of medical testing, the sleepless nights, the discovery of her genetic anomaly, Sur'Kesh, Thessia, and lastly waking the creature that stood before her.

"You think we are the same?" he asked her when the images finally stopped.

"Yes." she managed to answer while she caught her breath

"We are not the same, you are primitive, I am Prothean."

"But our DNA…"

"Is coincidental, nothing more." he cut her off

"Please…" Shepard was begging now, "Will you let me run some tests? I need to know who I am."

"Your tests will show nothing, you want everything from me yet are willing to sacrifice nothing in return"

"I'll help you get vengeance." Shepard told him.

"Vengeance?" Javik asked

"On the things that wiped out your people, your history, your civilization...on the Reapers."

"What makes you think I need your help?"

Shepard knew he had the upper hand. He was well aware how desperate she was and she knew she couldn't let him try to barter for his assistance. "Because your entire race was wiped out. What can you do to stop them when hundreds of thousands of your people couldn't destroy them? Alone you are weak, but with me, with the human fleets, and with the fleets of every species in the galaxy...we can end this."

Javik looked defeated. Shepard didn't want to be cruel to him, but she also knew that she couldn't let their first interaction end with him feeling like he had won. She needed him to know that as desperate as she was for the information he had, he was more desperate, as he nothing left but her cause to fight for.

"Run your tests, then I shall get my revenge."


	17. Chapter 17

As soon as Javik released her hand she snapped back into reality. She didn't know how long Garrus had been shouting her name but as soon as she registered his voice she turned to him and relief washed over his panicked features.

"What is it?"

"You weren't answering me, what happened?"

"Just another vision of some sort, how long was I out?"

"Five minutes or so," he answered as a loud rumble ran through the room, causing loose stones to shake loose and fall around them. "As you can see we have a small situation." he yelled over the sound of falling rocks.

"How long?"

"It's happened twice now, we have to move."

"Right," she agreed as she shook the confusion off her mind, "How's Liara?"

"I'm alright, Commander," she scientist said as she tried to sit up, "I think I can walk."

"Garrus help her," she directed and then addressed the rest of the group "Let's move before this place comes down on top of us."

Garrus quickly plucked Liara up from the ground despite the Asari's protests and Shepard quickly led her team back up the corridor. It didn't take them long to reach the vent they dropped in from.

"Shepard, get me up there." Garrus yelled as he lowered Liara to the floor.

"You got it." She answered as she positioned herself under the opening. She crouched low, cupping her hands hands together between her legs and as soon as she felt Garrus' armored boot hit, she launched him towards the vent. Seconds after he gripped the ledge, he pulled himself up and over, disappearing from view.

"Liara next, then Javik" She ordered as Garrus stuck his arms through the hole to catch their friend.

Shepard helped Liara into position and soon, arm in arm, Garrus hauled Liara onto the roof.

"Go Javik" Shepard barked at him, and after a few grunts he too disappeared from view.

"Now Shepard" Garrus yelled down to her as another rumble shook the cavern.

She backed up, taking a few deep breaths and before fear could build in her, she threw caution to the wind and took a flying leap towards Garrus' outstretched arms. Somehow she knew he would catch her before he did.

As soon as her feet hit solid ground, they scooped up Liara and took off running through the cavern again.

By the time they saw the light of the outside world shining through the tunnel ahead of them, there was not a doubt in any of their minds that the entire system was about to collapse on top of them. Shepard's limbs were burning and it took all of her willpower to force one leg in front of the other.

As they sprinted up the rocky incline towards the blue skies above them, a large boulder fell directly in Shepard's path. She leapt to the side, narrowly avoiding the impact, but catching on the uneven cavern floor her ankle twisted and she stumbled and fell to the ground.

She heard herself cry out in pain as the rocky floor rushed up to meet her. She rolled trying to lessen the impact of the fall, but not having enough time to do so, she took the majority of the impact directly to her shoulder. She felt it dislocate with a loud pop.

Knowing she barely had a second to lose, she grimaced through the pain and pushed herself half-way up with her good arm. She felt large, strong arms grip around her waist and pull her the rest of the way up.

"I got you, let's go." Garrus assured her as he took her weight off her bad ankle and helped her clumsily run the rest of the way out into the daylight.

Liara and Javik were stopped just outside the entrance to the cave, catching their breath as Garrus and Shepard stormed into the daylight.

"We gotta keep moving!" Shepard motioned to them, "The ground could still be unstable."

As they retreated to a distance they hoped was safe enough, they watched in awe as the entire cliff face collapsed upon itself in a massive rock-slide that would have surely killed them all had they been one minute too slow.

"It's a damn good thing we got you out of there Javik" Shepard told him with a pained smirk on her face, but the Prothean made no reply as he was seeing the sky for the first time in more than 50,000 years-and couldn't care less what anyone was saying.

"Joker" she hailed the pilot with finger to her ear, "Send the shuttle to pick us up, you're never going to believe what we found."

* * *

Shepard could feel the excitement in the air like electricity as they brought the Prothean on board for the first time. The crew was trying their hardest not to look shocked as they lead the imposing creature through the ship and towards the elevator, but Shepard could hear their whispers and read the uncomfortable mixture of fear and awe in their eyes.

As the elevator doors closed behind the ragged group, Shepard finally got up the courage to remove herself from the Turian's warm grasp.

"Garrus, take Liara and Javik to the Med Bay and have Chakwas patch them up as best she can. Tell her to let me know when they are clear."

"Don't you need medical attention?"

"No, it's nothing that I can't take care of on my own."

He gave her a quizzical look and she saw clearly that he didn't believe her, but the elevator doors opened before he could make any further remark on the subject. The doors closed once again after the rest of the party exited, and began its slow trek back towards her cabin.

She limped the rest of the way into her room and started the long process of removing her dirt ridden armor from her exhausted body. The process which usually took ten minutes was taking far longer than it should as her one working arm tried to undo clasps that were made for two hands. She was half undressed before she realized the impossibility of using her limp hand to remove the armor on her good arm, and being too stubborn to ask for help, threw herself on the bed half-armored as her throbbing, overused limbs forced herself to pause.

"Commander, Garrus is requesting access to your chamber." EDI's voice sang out to the quiet room.

Shepard stared up at the black cloth above her, recalling with too much clarity the last time Garrus was in her quarters. "Let him in." she said against her better judgement.

She heard him enter and pause for a moment as if he was debating whether to leave or not, but soon she heard his armored boots descend the short staircase to her living area.

"Shepard." His gruff voice cut the silence.

"Garrus," She acknowledged, finally averting her gaze from the cloth above her to his domineering figure.

"Having trouble with your armor?" he asked coyly, flicking his eyes towards her metallic covered arm.

"Yea, I didn't think this through very well…" she answered him, laughing slightly at herself.

Without another word he positioned himself beside her and started gently removing the clasps, freeing her from the protective exoskeleton.

When her arm was free she managed a small "thanks" and set about adjusting her injured arm.

"Can I help?" He asked gently

Shepard nodded to him and watched as he changed sides, positioning himself at her bad arm and holding it gently in his three fingered hands.

"What do I need to do?"

"Start pulling gently...it may take a few minutes." Her face contorted in pain as he stretched her injured arm. "How's Liara and Javik?" she managed to ask through grit teeth

"They should be alright," he told her as he increased the pull on her arm, "He speaks your language now."

"Really? How?"

"He said it was easy to assimilate your primitive method of communication." he half mocked the ancient Prothean.

"That sounds like him." she said with a chuckle

"So when you zoned out back there you were speaking to him?"

"Yea," she struggled to speak over the pain, "apparently I can communicate with him like I can with the artifacts of his time."

"So is he going to help?"

"He promised…"

They sat in silence for another moment, the only noise in the room being Shepard's occasional grunts of pain as Garrus kept increasing the tension on her arm.

"So how have you been feeling?"

"I'll be better when this ends," she replied, not knowing if she meant her arm or her mission.

"If the data module was right about Javik's DNA, then you just got yourself a huge break in the case." he agreed.

He pulled a little harder and with a sudden pop, Shepard's arm snapped back into joint. She bit her lip trying not to cry out at the sudden bolt of pain that shot through her body.

"That's normal?" Garrus asked bewildered

"Yea," Shepard replied as the pain subsided. She found herself chuckling at his shocked expression as she sat up and pulled the case off of one of her pillows, throwing together a makeshift sling and tossing the ends around each of her shoulders.

"Could you?" she asked him, gesturing to the ties behind her neck.

He nodded and moved behind her, the bed sinking as he rested his weight against it. She could feel the heat from his body as he drew near to her, causing her heart to leap although she tried her hardest to push it back down again. She pulled her hair from behind her neck and felt his fingers graze her skin as he gently brushed the remaining strands away. She hoped he couldn't see the bumps forming on her skin as his quick hands worked at the knot, and soon the sling held her injured arm snugly to her chest. She could have sworn he lingered there for a moment longer than was necessary, but it could have been her imagination, as all too quickly he retreated back to his own space.

"Is that okay?" he asked as he pulled out an ice pack and handed it to her, "Doctor Chakwas said this would help with the swelling."

"Yea, thank you." she replied, touched by the gesture and hoping he couldn't hear the way she was yearning for him.

As he turned and headed back towards the elevator, Shepard opened her mouth, trying to think of something to say to make him stay a little bit longer.

"Javik is cleared from medical, he is ready to speak with you at your convenience." EDI's voice filled the room.

"Thanks EDI," Shepard replied. "Garrus, I…" she started, turning to him as she found her words, but instead she found herself speaking only to an empty room as the elevator doors had already sealed shut behind him.


	18. Chapter 18

The voices bickering behind the science laboratory's door grew louder as Shepard approached. Neither of them appeared to notice her entrance.

"You have no right not to trust me with your equipment!" Miranda yelled

"Incorrect. Numerous instances of lying to Shepard. Control chip, resurrection, to name a few." Mordin responded.

"Shepard herself authorized my involvement." Miranda countered

"I allow you to be here. You are involved. reading print-outs, analyzing data." Mordin argued

"That's a job for an intern not someone with my skill level."

"Could skew results to serve own interests. Cannot allow direct access to testing."

"Is there a problem here?" Shepard finally interrupted, causing both scientists to finally snap to attention.

"Commander," Miranda was the first to speak, "You ordered me to help him, correct?"

"Yes, I did."

"There! You heard it yourself," the Cerberus officer shot back at Salarian doctor.

"You will work here in whatever capacity Mordin needs," Shepard shot the Cerberus officer down, "I'm sure if you prove yourself trustworthy there, he will allow you more sensitive jobs down the line."

"Yes Commander," Miranda hung her head in a mix of prideful hatred and shame

"May I remind you that this is your only way of redeeming yourself. I expect Mordin to give me a full report when you've finished here and your future on board my ship hinges on that report."

"I will do my best, Commander." Miranda said, noticeably swallowing her pride.

"Now, have you run Javik's tests yet?"

"Yes. Took blood and other samples upon arrival. He was quite cooperative." Mordin interjected.

"He promised to help," Shepard commented. "Have you found anything yet?"

"Applied a low-tech version of tests on Sur-Kesh. Same result found. Shadow DNA present."

"So what does this mean?"

"Genetic anomaly. No, too many years apart. Clone. Synthetic Reconstruction. No, no access to Prothean genetics. Insufficient data for credible hypothesis."

"If I may," Miranda asked for permission and received a nod from Shepard in return, "I think it's clear that you and Javik's similarities go deeper than simply your DNA. If you two were born with this or if you both were altered, than it had to be by something that existed in the Prothean era too. Whatever it is, it's unlike anything I've ever seen before."

"I have," Shepard said as she ran out of the room, her face white with fear at the connection her brain made.

* * *

Javik sat quietly in the Port Cargo Bay, making every effort to ignore Shepard as she limped awkwardly into the room.

"Is the room alright?" Shepard asked, not knowing where to start

"It will do." He abruptly spoke, filling the room with an uncomfortable silence.

"I came here from the lab." She tried again

"So you have come about the tests I agreed to?"

"Yes."

"And the results?"

"I have a genetic anomaly, a second set of DNA," She started to explain.

"Yes, I have seen this in your mind," He interrupted her.

"The tests show you have it too."

"Then it seems as if you are correct again, we are more similar than I first assumed."

"I've seen only one other thing alter DNA like this. One of our last missions was to a derelict Collector ship. When we infiltrated the ship we found the body of a a dead Collector that looked like it had been experimented on. When we ran scans, we discovered found that the Collectors were a race that had been genetically altered from their original form, spliced with Reaper DNA. Their original form was Prothean."

"So my people have undergone a fate worse than destruction" Javik summarized, the pain on his face apparent.

"I'm sorry Javik."

"So you believe the Reapers also altered you and I? For what purpose? To accomplish what goal?"

"I don't know, but I don't have any idea who else could have done it."

Javik bowed his head in what looked like a moment of silence. Shepard let him have the moment to himself.

"It's a shame that as such a powerful people, we have fallen so far. As primitive children we worshiped the Inusannon much like your cycle looked to mine. It was their technology that allowed us to reach the stars and they were wiped out as we were. Those of my kind who worshiped the Inusannon believed as they did, that the old ones created the Reapers long ago. If we had not been so haughty, maybe we could have staved off our destruction"

"Old ones?"

"Leviathans, a myth of Inusannon and adopted by my people, like the Asari myth of Athame, or your ancient Human myths."

"What was the myth?"

"They created them to be perfection, they thought of them as their greatest creation. But the Reapers sinned and turned away from their creators, preferring destruction above all else."

"That sounds similar to a lot of human creation myths," Shepard explained. "What happened?"

"The ancient texts say the old ones were forced to kill their creation, but by that time it was too late and they became the first of many civilizations to fall to the Reapers."

"If such stories are true, perhaps we were never meant to defeat the Reapers."

"No, they can be killed and they will be exterminated. What you said in the cave was correct," he spoke with sorrow in his voice. "I always knew that at some point in time my people would be lost to the depths of history, but seeing it is a different matter. Everything my people spent their lives building and understanding is now nothing but a pile of misinterpreted rubble; artifacts and skeletons are the only lasting legacy my people made upon the universe." He paused, and Shepard could see the sorrow on his face morph into hatred. " My continued existence now serves one purpose, and only when the last Reaper is destroyed will that purpose be fulfilled. "

"For what it's worth," Shepard started, realizing she could offer him nothing but trite platitudes, "I'm sorry for your loss."

"And I for yours, and the ones that are still to come."

Javik's words brought an ominous feeling into the room and Shepard was once again acutely aware of her own limited existence.

"That can't be your only purpose in life, you'll drive yourself insane."

"I, like you, used to be my people's hero. They looked to me to save them from the Reapers and I failed. Now I am the anger of a dead people, of blood demanding to be spilled for the blood we have lost. I was born and will die a killer, I've lived a life of constant war, taking life in every battle, killing for vengeance is no different than the killing I was born to do."

"Doesn't living that way get to you?"

"It shapes me as stone is shaped by water and air, but the stone cannot choose what form it will take. For you and I, Commander, war is our sculpture, we are prisoners to it's design."

"If we defeat the Reapers, we can both be set free."

"No, we will never be free. We will always find a cause to fight for, whether we are on our deathbeds or if all hope seems lost. You are even fighting now when you want nothing but peace."

"It's my duty to fight, if I don't, people will die."

"There were lives at stake before you were born, and there will be lives at stake after you die, you know this better than anyone else. It is not for duty that you keep fighting."

"Maybe I fight for vengeance, just like you."

"No, you only fight with vengeance when you have nothing left to lose. The lives you have touched and the relationships you've forged still exist, it is not for you that you fight, it is for them. You are the first soldier I've met that did not prize their own survival over that of everyone else."

"I've already lived and died, I completed my mission and was at peace. That may have been me at one time, but I don't think it is anymore, now all I think about is giving up."

"But you won't. Even as your heart breaks, your resolve fades and your sanity crumbles, you will fight for these people. I have seen you, and you have not changed as much as you think you have."

"So we will both just keep fighting then?"

"Yes, I for vengeance and you for love, as allies, until our reasons for fighting perish alongside us."


	19. Chapter 19

The Illusive Man was cast in an ominous shadow from the brightly burning star behind him. A month ago, this deliberate attempt at intimidation wouldn't have effected her at all, but now, as she stared at the complete and total blackness that engulfed her field of view, she shook.

Javik's words had kept her up most of the night, and her hallucinations had kept her awake for the rest of it. She didn't realize it when she first caught her reflection in the glass aquarium, but as soon as she did, it was the only thing she saw all night. Rationally, she knew it was just her mind playing tricks, but the rational side of her brain wasn't keeping up too well with her irrational mind lately. The eyes that stared back at her from the reflection were still cybernetic, but instead of being their usual tint of Cerberus-evil red, they were husk-blue. They followed her wherever she went, screaming at her, willing her into believing that what she saw is what she is destined to become. Those eyes were still there, watching her, as she prepared to ask the Illusive Man for something she never thought she would, his help.

"Shepard, what's this about?" The Illusive man spoke after taking a long drag on his cigarette.

"We have a new crew member on board."

"Miranda told me. The Prothean is a historic find Shepard, I hope you understand the implications of this. The world needs the knowledge he contains."

"I agree he's a valuable asset, but that's not why I'm here."

"You require my assistance with something?"

"Yes."

"Go on…"

"Javik and I have both been altered by something spanning more than 50,000 years of existence, my only logical guess is the Reapers have had a hand in this somehow. I need to get my hands on a Reaper."

"You won't find any parts left of Sovereign,"

"I know, I was hoping you'd know some other way."

"I'll help you, but I need you to do something for me."

"What do you want?" she asked, well aware her current employer never does anything unless he directly benefits from it.

"Javik, I want him sent to one of our labs before you go through the Omega 4 relay, I can't risk the possibility of him dying there."

"I can't force him to do anything, all I can do is promise I'll talk to him about it." She told him, knowing she would do everything she could to keep Javik from going.

He took a long drag on his cigarette as if he was contemplating Shepard's offer. "Do you know anything about the Leviathan of Dis?" He asked apparently satisfied with her response.

"No."

"A Batarian survey team found it in 2163 in the bottom of a crater on planet Jartar in the Dis system. They believed it to be a Reaper, the very first recorded sighting of one, but many believe it was a fake claim. It disappeared almost as soon as it was found. The Batarians themselves refuse to admit it ever existed."

"Than how can you be sure it wasn't a fake?"

"I can't be completely, but I've seen Salarian reports on it and what they show is unprecedented."

"How did you get those reports?"

"That's not important. What is important is a there is a doctor by the name of Garret Bryson who runs Task Force Aurora out of the Citadel. He's been doing research on this topic for a long time and if anyone knows anything about it's location, it's him."

"Thank you." Shepard forced her pleasant appreciation, although bile rose in her throat as the words came out.

"I assume I don't need to remind you the time sensitive nature of the Collector attacks that have been happening, and will continue to happen if you don't send your team through the relay soon" the Illusive Man warned before she could retreat back to the solitude of the Normandy.

"I'll get it done." She snapped before she walked out of the holo projector, silently cursing the Illusive Man while the eyes still watched her.

"EDI, get me Joker." She demanded once she was alone.

"Commander?" the Flight Lieutenant's voice broke through the speakers a moment later.

"Set course for the Citadel."

"Aye, aye, Commander. We should hit the relay in an hour and dock at the Citadel in two."

"Thanks Joker, I'm gonna take a shower."

"Happy to hear that I'm not the only one that feels dirty after talking to the Illusive Man." Joker true to his nickname joked.

* * *

True to his word, Joker docked the Normandy on the Citadel within his projected two hours. Javik had been staring out the window of the Normandy ever since they started their approach, and now that they were docked he was no less eager to step foot on the magnificent station.

"I'm going to go see this Dr. Bryson." Shepard announced to her crew. "Everyone can have four hours of shore leave." she then turned to Javik. "You are welcome to explore the station, but you might want to take someone with you, your presence may stir some trouble."

"I wish to accompany you."

"You're welcome too," she agreed as she ushered him off the ship.

They caught a shuttle and Shepard watched with amusement as Javik spent most of the ride to Dr. Bryson's lab staring out the window again.

"I thought your people found the Citadel," Shepard remarked, "You're acting like you've never seen it before."

"The Citadel was both the heart of our civilization and our demise." He explained "The Reapers hit here first. No one I ever knew had seen it in person, it only existed in the memory shards of our ancestors."

"Then I'm glad you have the chance to see it now" she remarked with utmost sincerity.

"When things were at their darkest we used to tell stories, imaging the wonders of this place. It was our utopia, reminiscent of a time when we ruled the galaxy, an empire with the power to sway worlds. That is not what it is used for now."

"No, now a lot of races have embassies here."

"So you share your power then?"

"It's not perfect, but it's done a good job of keeping the peace most of the time."

"In my time the races never came together. Perhaps this was our downfall, and the only way for you to succeed where we so horribly failed."

"We all have to live in the same galaxy, it doesn't make sense to me to try to go it alone."

"For someone descended from cave dwellers, you have taught me more than I would have expected about the world." Javik almost complimented her as he returned to staring out the window, letting the conversation die.

The shuttle soon landed at the labs and Shepard and her Prothean companion made their way inside. They were greeted by a security force that tried to look tougher than it was.

"I'm here to see Dr. Bryson." Shepard announced to the guard

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No"

"Dr. Bryson is very busy and unable to meet with people unless they set an appointment." The guard skimmed through a calendar, "It looks like he has an opening next week."

"I'm here on Spectre business," Shepard threw her title out for the first time in years, "I'm sure Dr. Bryson wouldn't want to start an incident with the Council by refusing to see me."

The guard, clearly flustered, apologized profusely and without any further fussing, ushered them ahead, assuring them he would contact Dr. Bryson directly to inform him of their arrival.

Shepard threw him a quick thank you and headed down the hallway. The door in front of them hissed open and they were greeted by a scrawny looking man in uniform. He had bags under his eyes which made him look like he hadn't slept in weeks and his voice was deep and gravelly, making Shepard think he was using stims more often than was healthy for a man his age.

"Commander Shepard, I'm Dr. Bryson, to what do I owe this honor?"

"I'm in the middle of a top secret investigation and it has come to my attention that you know something that could help me."

"I'll do anything I can to help a Spectre." Bryson commented a bit too eagerly.

"Tell me what you know about the Leviathan of Dis."

"Probably more than anyone else you ask. Many people think it's just a legend, a dead Reaper that the Batarians dug up on Jartar."

"But you think otherwise?"

"It's my job to think outside of the box, to investigate rumors and legends that everyone else has ignored, that's why Task Force Aurora exists."

"I could have used your help two years ago while fighting Sovereign." Shepard commented

"It's a shame no one else could see the truth, but it's not the existence of the Reaper that concerns me, what does is the question of what killed it in the first place."

"That's a good question"

"If you look deep enough there are rumors, ancient texts and beliefs about these Reaper-killers."

"The Leviathans." Javik spoke up "They are just a myth."

"Perhaps, but I have a researcher, Garneau out on a mission right now trying to track one of these down.

"I'm really only interested in finding that Reaper" Shepard explained.

"Then you would be better off speaking with my daughter, Ann. She's running the other half of the project, Project Scarab."

"Project Scarab?"

"While we look for Leviathan, Project Scarab's primary mandate is to research Reapers, their tech, artifacts, and anything else we can get our hands on."

"Where can we find her?"

"She's currently on a dig on the planet Namakli in the Pylos Nebula looking for a Reaper artifact, I'll send word to her that you're coming."

"Thanks doctor, keep me updated if you find anything else."


	20. Chapter 20

The last thing Shepard expected to see as she walked through the doors of the Normandy airlock was a familiar female Turian trying to exit at the same time.

Realizing she'd been caught, the Turian stepped aside and snapped to attention in a military salute, yet avoided making eye contact with the human she knew to be her superior.

"Apologize for the intrusion sir." she explained as Shepard caught the hint of embarrassment she was trying so hard to hide.

"It's alright soldier." Shepard said as she passed the mystery woman.

"I'll be taking my leave." The Turian responded as soon as the doorway was free, and quickly made an exit.

"Who was that?" she called out to Joker as she saw his door was open.

"Garrus cleared her through security, said she was a friend." Joker replied as he made air quotes with his fingers around friend, a smile playing on his lips.

"Ah…" Shepard replied with a knot of jealousy building in her chest, "is everyone on board?"

"Present and accounted for. What's our heading?"

"Pylos Nebula. Namakli" She replied as she retreated down the corridor so she could deal with her jealousy in peace.

"Aye, aye Commander, ETA 0900." Joker called after her.

Shepard barely made it to her quarters before the tears that welled in her eyes started to spill down her flushed cheeks. Her chest was on fire, her rapidly beating heart pumping her searing hot blood through her shaking body and her lungs refused to open themselves to air.

The rational side of her brain started running through possible excuses. Reasons why Garrus' significant other would be on board her ship other than saying good bye. People who felt the need to say goodbye to each other were more serious than just a shore leave fling, and that was somehow so much worse to her than sex.

The irrational side of her brain wanted to run down to Garrus and beg him to give them a chance. The voice of her pride told her that no one would ever chose someone else over the great Commander Shepard: war hero and savior of the citadel. The voice of her insecurity told her that's exactly why he chose someone else.

He knew the pains that no one else could see, and what man would choose someone broken over someone free from the torments that infected every aspect of her life. Humanity wouldn't have heralded her as a hero if they knew her true self, and needing Garrus to love her regardless of their differences and his feelings was the definition of selfishness.

She wanted him in a way she never wanted anyone before, yet she knew she didn't deserve him. Knowing that didn't make it hurt any less.

She gave herself the night. One night to morn and say goodbye to the fairytale happy ending that was impossible to hold onto. One night to feel everything she had to feel so that tomorrow she could start fresh. She was sick of clinging to the person she used to be, the person who had died so soon, yet so long ago, the person who could never come back. Tomorrow she'd start fixing what she knew was broken all along.

* * *

"This is Commander Shepard, Council Spectre, requesting permission to land." Shepard broadcast via her com link to the station they were approaching.

"Roger Commander, you are cleared for landing, proceed to docking platform seven."

As soon as the Kodiak pilot touched down, Shepard threw open the shuttle door and took her first steps on Namakli. The research station was fitted to a rocky outcropping on a cliff face and she could feel the wind pushing at her back, tossing her auburn hair across her face. They were being watched by a short, black haired woman in a lab coat who stood nearby and Shepard set off to meet her.

"Commander Shepard, my father said I should expect you." the woman had to practically shout to be heard over the roar of the wind as she extended her hand to the Commander. "My name is Dr. Ann Bryson."

"It's nice to meet you Dr. Bryson." Shepard yelled back "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Ann nodded and gestured to the party to follow. They walked for a ways before a white walled room enveloped them and the roar of the wind cut abruptly off as the lab door sealed shut behind them.

"My father said you were looking into the Reapers?" Ann asked

"Yes, I'm investigating cases of Reaper genetic modification, and you're the only scientists I know who are actively researching Reapers and not dismissing them as adolescent horror stories."

"And we get a lot of flak from the scientific community because of it." The woman said slightly sour. "I understand the Council wanting to quell a panic, but dragging your name through the mud crossed a line."

"Well I appreciate the work you're doing. Someday it's going to come in handy."

"So what exactly are you looking for?"

"So far we have only one example on a species that was directly modified by the reapers, but so far it's just an isolated incident. Our other examples are too far out on the spectrum of impossibility for an accurate read. I'd like it if you would allow my science team to analyze that data you've collected so far and see if we can find any commonalities."

"Of course, Commander. You're welcome to have access to our data but security protocols mandate you must be supervised." Ann cautioned

"That's acceptable. There are three besides myself who will be needing access, Mordin Solus, Dr. Karin Chakwas and Miranda Lawson, the latter of whom will be under supervision from one of my crew as well."

"I will make sure they get the proper security clearance when they arrive." Ann complied. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, that should be everything."

"I was hoping I could ask a favor of you as well." Ann said meekly.

"What do you need?"

"I assume your ship is equipped with a standard planetary scanner?"

"It is."

"We have been scanning for anomalies in the ground near our first dig site for the Reaper artifact, but we don't have the equipment to do a widespread, rapid search. It has taken us months to cover just a few miles."

"EDI," Shepard spoke to the AI over her com, "Do we have the necessary equipment to help the researchers with their dig?"

"Yes Commander, with some mild calibrations and with proper parameters set, we should be able to locate the artifact's location within a kilometer in approximately three hours." EDI's metallic voice responded.

"I'd be happy to help in exchange for your research," Shepard said, turning back to Ann. "Organize a team to get on a shuttle to the Normandy and EDI can help them run your scan."

"Thank you Commander." she said, the excitement noticeably growing in her voice as she turned to the scientists working busily behind her. "Stevens, McCain, and Andrews, you're heading up to the Normandy. Abrahams, get level three security clearance for the Commander and her crew."

"Yes ma'am" the scientists replied quickly as they quickly redirected their efforts to their new assignments.

"Now," Dr. Bryson said turning to Shepard, "Let's see about that data."

* * *

The next few hours were spent pouring over Project Scarab's data pool. For being such a small operation, they had accumulated quite a staggering amount to analyze, but only a fraction of what they sifted through was useful to the Normandy team.

"There's enough variance in the bits of reaper code they have that we could run a basic analysis." Miranda piped up from her station.

"Would that be enough for us to find what were looking for?" Shepard asked

"Unlikely, though it might give us a good place to start." She replied

"Then get working on it,"

"Shepard," Dr. Chakwas interrupted, "You might want to see this."

"What is it?" Shepard asked as she moved to the Doctor's side.

"It looks like a vid feed from the Destiny Ascension during Sovereign's attack."

"How did you get this?" Shepard asked Ann without tearing her eyes from the feed. "I thought these were all destroyed."

"Technically they were. All feeds from the incident were either destroyed or classified under the Council's highest level of secrecy. Somehow, someone on the inside leaked the feed to the net and we managed to be quick enough to download a copy before the Council shut down the source." Ann explained

"I wonder who leaked it," Shepard wondered aloud, "Could I have a copy?"

"Of course, you were the woman who was in the middle of it, after all."

Before Shepard could thank the doctor, EDI's computerized voice broke through her com. She could distinctly make out shouts and cheers in the background.

"EDI, It sounds like you have good news." Shepard asked and watched as Dr. Bryson's eyes snapped to hers, full of hope.

"That is correct Commander. Please inform Dr. Bryson that we have located her artifact."


	21. Chapter 21

It took only a matter of minutes from the time the announcement had been made that the Reaper artifact was located until Dr. Bryson dispatched her team of trained excavators to the site. In the hours since they left, Ann grew more and more incapable of sitting still. She paced back and forth in the Project Scarab lab, checking her watch every few minutes, anxiously awaiting any news as to the artifact.

"Okay," Ann finally spoke up after looking at her watch for the hundredth time, "Someone give me something to do or I'm going to drive all of you crazy."

"We have everything taken care of, Doctor." Miranda replied with annoyance in her voice as she continued working busily.

"Well, then walk me through what you're doing, I'm desperate for a distraction." Ann begged.

"We're running our sample DNA against the reaper code fragments your team discovered." Miranda spoke with an irritated sigh

"And what are you looking for?"

"Confirmation that they are the source of the alteration."

"How many mutated samples do you have?"

"Two." Miranda replied, flicking her eyes toward the Commander.

"And they share the same mutation?"

"Correct."

"And how many don't?" Ann questioned

"I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean." Miranda replied, clearly annoyed by the doctor's questions.

"How big is your control group? How can you be sure you're not just finding something that was already there and that exists naturally?

"This is a pretty specific scenario, I doubt testing hundreds of people whom we know will be negative will have any direct bearing on our current research." Miranda said condescendingly.

"Do you think it's possible that this extends beyond It's current members?" Shepard asked the team cryptically, attempting to keep Dr. Bryson out of the loop.

"Not impossible," Mordin interjected, "but unlikely."

"But we thought Javik would be impossible too," Shepard pushed, growing more and more concerned.

"The Commander has a point," Dr. Chakwas stated, "We should cover all our bases,"

"Agreed," Mordin agreed, "Will start mass testing. Scarab employees will make good first focus group. Good variance."

"You can't just volunteer them Mordin," Shepard admonished him.

"I can't see any reason why we can't help," Dr. Bryson said, "That is, assuming the tests aren't too invasive."

"Blood sample. Soft tissue sample. Completely non-invasive." Mordin confirmed with a smile

"I'll send out a blast and send all the volunteers up…" Ann started, breaking off as her com unit lit up and a shrill ring sounded. Everyone watched as Ann listened to the voice on the other end of the com. She nodded ever few moments and soon she smiled broadly, thanked the person on the other end, and clicked the com dead.

"We got it!" She exclaimed as she quickly gathered her things and headed towards the door. "Commander, would you like to accompany me?"

* * *

By the time the shuttle touched down at the excavation site, Ann's mix of excitement and anxiety had reached critical levels. Much of the ride was spent in either complete silence or in rushed conversations about nothing in particular. For her part, Shepard spent the ride paying close attention the feeling in her gut that everything was about to go wrong.

They expected to be greeted by the smiling faces of the students who had excavated the relic, but as the shuttle doors opened, they were greeted only by silence. Shepard could feel the unmistakable presence of death.

Although not as attuned as Shepard, even Ann could feel something was wrong, but she shrugged it off and started moving towards the camp, only to be held back by Shepard's hand on her arm.

"What is it?" Ann started to say, quickly found her silence as she saw the commander draw her assault rifle.

Shepard pulled the doctor behind her, "Stay back and stay down," she warned the fear filled doctor, receiving a obedient nod in return.

She started a slow, methodical search of the area, entering room after room using standard infiltration tactics, looking for any sign of what happened. Ann obediently followed only after receiving Shepard's all clear sign, but her obedience failed when she saw the first body.

Shepard could only watch as Ann ran towards her fallen coworker, knowing she was desperate to save the scientist, but sure there was nothing that could be done. The body showed signs of a savage beating, and the blood spattered room painted a picture of an intense struggle. It didn't take long for Shepard to find the long, blood covered pipe that served as the murder weapon.

"Who…who could have done this...?" Ann asked Shepard through her sobs.

"You might have had a mole on your staff." Shepard offered the only explanation she could as she crouched next to the mourning doctor, stroking her back to calm her.

"For the artifact?" Ann said, looking up at the commander with tear stained cheeks.

"Come on," Shepard said as she half picked the scientist up, "You can't stay here alone, but there might be worse things to come."

"I know...I just don't understand…"

"Ann, look at me," She pulled the doctors eyes to hers, "I need you to block out everything else. It's just you and me okay? Just you and me." Ann nodded and Shepard could see the torrent of tears slowing, "Now Ann, we're going to keep moving forward, but I want you to keep your eyes on me. Don't look anywhere else, no matter what happens. Can you do that?"

"Yes Commander."

"Good. We're going to figure out what happened to these men and stop it. Okay?"

"Okay," Ann agreed as she dried her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

The started moving slower than before, and Shepard managed to keep Ann in control every time they passed a body. As before, Shepard did a quick examination of the scene and found that as the first one, each was killed with blunt force. By the time they reached the dig site, Shepard had counted a total of twelve bodies.

She didn't expect the thirteenth. He laid crumpled on the floor in a large pool of blood, his clothes covered in a multicolored combination of human and nonhuman blood. His face was bashed in beyond recognition, and Shepard could only confirm his identity by the ID tag on his breast pocket. The indented, bloody wall above him spelled out the gruesome manner of his death.

"How many people were down here?" Shepard asked Ann who was still covering her eyes.

She thought for a minute, "twelve...no thirteen."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes...why?"

"Because this can't be just about stealing the artifact."

"Oh God," Ann started crying again as the realization hit her, "They're all dead aren't they?"

Shepard couldn't stop Ann from opening her eyes and looking at the man. She stood eerily silent as she processed the scene in front of her. "Stevens?...He killed everyone and then...just ran into the wall?"

"It appears that way."

"But he was such a good kid, why would he hurt all those people? Why would he kill himself like th..that?"

"He did do this of his own free will, he was indoctrinated."


	22. Chapter 22

Ann stared at Shepard with a look of confusion. "But they were supposed to shield the artifact, It was protocol"

"Perhaps they couldn't do it in time. Do you know where the shield is? We need to get it covered before it affects us too."

"It should be in a supply crate close to the dig site." She responded

"Head back to the ship," Shepard instructed the doctor. "I'll find and shield the artifact."

Ann looked as if she was going to try and stop the commander, but upon seeing the determination in her eyes, Ann turned and headed towards the ship. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief.

Getting Ann out of harms way was only one part of the dangerous procedure before her, but knowing the doctor was safe made a world of difference. She could now focus her complete energy on resisting the pull of the indoctrination that was no doubt going to try to infect her as she attempted to shield the artifact.

As she approached the dig site, she could feel a small grain of fear start to grow in her mind. It grew steadily larger with each step forwards and soon she found herself shaking, wanting to turn back. She stopped for a moment and focused herself, concentrating on the objective before her and the lives riding it. She soon squelched the fear down far enough for her to reach the dig site.

True to Ann's description, the abandoned site was surrounded by white tents, packed with all manner of excavation supplies. There were signs of a struggle all over the camp, and it was clear that the gruesome scene they passed on their way in had originated here.

Working quickly, it took her less than two minutes to find the shield. It was a small device which fit snugly into the palm of her hand which held the equipment necessary to create a tech barrier around the artifact. She knew how it was supposed to work, but that didn't stop her from worrying that something would go wrong.

Having no more reason to stall, she mustered her courage and started the climb into the excavation site. The floor of the dirt-sided pit was a good thirty feet below her, and in the center, she could make out a deep blue spherical object resting half-way in the soil. The excavation crew did not have enough time to set up a system of proper lifts or ladders, so she was forced to resort to using the hand-made footholds indented into the side of the dirt wall in order to lower herself down to the awaiting artifact.

She was only halfway to the bottom when a deep, echoing voice rang out.

"TURN BACK."

She was so startled she lost her grip and slipped down a few notches, recovering just in time to process what she heard. It scared her that she couldn't tell if the voice was coming from her own head or from the artifact, but she pushed the fear behind her and kept descending.

"TURN BACK." the voice rang out again, louder this time than the last.

This time her body broke out in goosebumps and the hair on the back of her neck stood up, but she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shut out her growing fears.

Suddenly she was cold. Colder than she ever thought possible. She couldn't remember if she opened her eyes or not, but all she could see was blackness; an impenetrable, unholy blackness that seemed like it wanted to swallow her soul.

She lost herself. She forgot where she was and what she was doing. All she could see, all she could feel was nothing. Her lungs screamed for oxygen even though she was still breathing, yet she knew there was no air, nothing but the empty vacuum that stretched on forever in all directions. But somehow she was falling. She felt it in the way you feel it in a dream right before you kick yourself awake and fall out of bed.

She heard a sickening crunch and felt all the air in her body rush out lungs, leaving her struggling for breath as the darkness faded slowly from her vision. The harsh light was hard on her eyes, which felt like they were opening for the first time. She lay on her back, her head throbbing with a dull ache from smacking the ground beneath her, the memory of her journey returning to her in pulses.

Shaking the cobwebs from her mind and focusing her energy once again, she shakily stood. The shield generator was still clasped in her hand, thankfully unbroken from the fall and so she once again mustered her courage and walked stepped towards the artifact in front of her.

She could feel the cold rushing back to overwhelm her, and she fought it off mentally, stretching out her hand, the shield generator growing ever closer to the object. Her vision once again went black, and the fear that had been pushed to the back of her mind suddenly grew exponentially until it dominated her thoughts.

But somehow she didn't lose herself. She could still feel the ground beneath her feet and she took a clumsy step forward, desperate to shield the artifact before it took over her mind. She took another step, and another, and another, groping around in the vast nothing before her, knowing logically she should have reached the sphere by now. Her mind was telling her to turn around, that she must have passed it, but she knew better than to listen to own mind.

"TURN BACK." it screamed at her, the rage apparent in it's voice.

She ignored it, and took a final step forward. The ice cold touch of glass beneath her fingers told her she had reached her destination, but the voice reacted violently to her touch.

"TURN BACK OR BE DAMNED. THE DARKNESS CANNOT BE BREACHED."

With a flick of her fingers on her outstretched hand, she activated the shield generator and smacked it hard against the surface of the orb. She could feel it grow hot under her fingers and all at once the voice in her head silenced, her vision returned and the grip on her mind disappeared. Looking at the sphere she saw it was encased in the orange glow of the shield.

She took a moment to collect herself and evaluate her mental condition, feeling no lasting effects.

"Is Ann at the shuttle?" she asked into her com unit when she finished resting.

"Roger Commander, the doctor is on board."

"Swing around and pick me up, the artifact has been shielded." she ordered the pilot.

"Roger that Commander, see you soon."

* * *

Shepard could do nothing to stop Mordin from running a brain scan when she returned to the Project Scarab labs with Dr. Bryson and the artifact. She knew her exposure should have rendered her free will useless, but she could feel no lingering effect of the Reaper's presence on her mind. She shuddered to think that she could be as blind as Saren was to the Reaper's control.

"Will need to keep you under strict observation," Mordin told her bluntly, "Don't know extent of control. May not know until too late."

"It didn't feel like they wanted to control me." Shepard tried to explain but was silenced by the Salarian scientist.

"Risk of indoctrination too high. Cannot risk safety of crew." He countered.

"Every instance of indoctrination we've seen has in some way used the person to further the Reaper's cause. If anything, I should have been drawn to it."

"What do you mean?" Dr. Chakwas asked, obviously intrigued.

"If it wanted to take over, you would assume it wanted to control everyone. Why didn't it want me to bring it back here where they could indoctrinate everyone? Why was it fostering only my urge to run away instead urging me to seize it's power?" Shepard asked.

"But the initial slaughter you encountered is very indicative of reaper indoctrination." Miranda spoke up.

"That's the thing...it isn't," Shepard countered, "Everyone who was there is dead, including the person who they controlled to kill everyone else. They made him run into a wall until he caved his own head in. Why would the Reapers kill him if they could have used him, quite effectively I my add, to spread their control further?"

"That is strange." Chakwas agreed, "Everything we know about them says they aren't trying to hide."

"There is something else that doesn't make sense," Miranda spoke up again

"What?" Shepard asked

"We ran the initial wave of testing on the volunteer staff while you were gone."

"And?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, Dr. Bryson was right. Everyone in we tested has four out of the twenty-eight genetic markers for the mutation, ourselves included."

"Wait...what does that mean?"

"Apparently it's a much more widespread mutation than we originally hypothesized, but for some reason it's only in it's full form in Javik and yourself." Chakwas explained

"And how does the Reaper code fit into all of this?"

"It is nearly identical to your mutation, except for two genetic markers."

"So that's it then," Shepard replied defeated, "It was them, they somehow altered me, altered everyone."

"That's the thing...It's too similar." Chakwas disagreed, shaking her head.

"What do you mean, too similar?"

"We're back to your original argument. If the Reapers had the ability to modify everyone's DNA on such a large scale, why did they stop there? Everything we know about them tells us they will use any means necessary to control and destroy organic species.

"So once again, this doesn't fit what we know about the Reaper's MO." Shepard concluded, utterly confused by the day's revelations.

Ann, who had been sitting in silence during the entire conversation suddenly sprang up from her seat with a wild look on her face. "We need to go see my father."

"What for?" Miranda asked her snarkily

"I think you're right. The artifact and it's control doesn't exhibit any of the behaviors we know the Reapers use, and there's only one other creature I know of which is that old, and is rumored to used indoctrination, and my father's the only expert there is on them," Ann explained as she turned to Shepard. "Commander, I think we are now after the same creature, a Leviathan."


	23. Chapter 23

Shepard had a hard time believing Ann's sudden revelation, but seeing as they had no further leads left on Namakli, Shepard eventually agreed to escort both Ann and the shielded artifact back to her father's lab for further study. If nothing else, at least they might be able to trace their steps back and pick up the trail of the mysterious puppet master once again.

It took longer than they expected to stabilize and contain the artifact safely for transport, and by the time they had completely loading the ship, Shepard was desperate for sleep. Joker estimated they wouldn't hit the Citadel until the morning cycle, so after finding Ann an appropriate bed chamber, Shepard retired to her cabin for the evening.

As soon as she was alone however, her thoughts ran wild and made it impossible to sleep. Her shoulder still throbbed from the cave-in on Eden Prime, and laying with nothing to do only made her focus more on the pain. She got up and walked to her vid screen, pulled out the Destiny Ascension's vid Ann gave her, and set it to play, hoping that the vid would at least take her mind off the pain, if not lull her into a blissful sleep.

She had just crawled back into bed when a soft knock rang out from her door.

"Come in." She called out and the door opened.

"Shepard."

"Garrus, to what do I owe the pleasure?" she said gesturing for him to enter.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay after the incident with the artifact." He explained as he walked over.

"Thank you, I seem to be okay. Mordin didn't see any lingering effects of indoctrination on my brain scan."

"That's good," Garrus said in his signature two-toned voice as he realized what she was watching on her vid screen, "So I see you've discovered my first foray into vigilante justice."

"This was you?" Shepard asked aghast, the shock written clearly on her face.

"Yeah," he chuckled "My little way of sticking it to the council before I left for Omega."

"How'd you do it?"

"What's the human saying? A good magician never reveals his tricks." He replied with a coy smile.

Shepard laughed, a smile lighting up her face. "I can't believe that was almost three years ago already."

"I can't believe I survived two years on Omega without you there to get me out of trouble." he joked.

"I'm amazed you lasted two years, there's a reason I wasn't surprised that the very first thing I had to do after being resurrected was saving your sorry ass." She joked back, slugging him playfully on his armored shoulder

"Well, I couldn't let you hog all the near death experiences." he said with a smile and she laughed again, but all too quickly the playful banter vanished.

"You went through hell for me Garrus, I never told you how much it means to me that you stuck by me through this."

"Back there, on the Citadel," he gestured to the vid screen, "was the first time I realized you were more than what the vids made you out to be. They always painted you as the embodiment of humanity's greatest virtues, and I thought it was nothing but a well scripted show. All my life I struggled with doing something that would be remembered beyond my death, I wanted to change the world, but there, I watched you step out of cover and talk Saren past the indoctrination that had poisoned his brain, and I realized it wasn't an act. I knew in that moment that you were going to be the center of everything good in my lifetime, and in that moment I couldn't think of anything else I'd rather be remembered for than being Shepard's six."

"I don't think I deserve all the faith you have in me."

"You do. I know you're under a lot of pressure right now, but I'll always have your back, both in and out of combat."

"I know. You've never let me down, and I'm sorry I let you down. I appreciate you slapping me out of my self-pity bubble before."

"I consider it an honor to be the one who can pull your head out of your ass," he laughed as he turned and headed for the door.

"Hey Garrus?"

"Yea?"

"Next time were on the Citadel, maybe we could meet for dinner?"

"I'd like that."

"I know she might be intimidated, but I'd like to get to know your mate, I think I scared her last time." Shepard started rambling

"My...my mate?" Garrus asked, looking quite confused.

"Yea," she swallowed hard, "The cute Turian woman I ran into as she was sneaking off the ship…"

"Oh, she's ah...not my mate. I mean... it was just physical. I uh...ended things with her." Garrus explained awkwardly

"Oh," Shepard didn't know what to say, and she couldn't stop the brief rush of happiness the flooded through her as Garrus continued talking nervously

"A friend of hers works on the docks and told her we landed. She came out to talk to me so I let her in. I figured I'd let her down now before we went through the Relay. I ah...didn't think it was right to leave her waiting and in pain if I didn't make it back."

"Well if we do come back, maybe you two can start over." Shepard smiled and tried to sound genuine. "You deserve to be happy with someone."

"No, she's a nice girl, but she's too good of a Turian for me. I need someone with more...adventure. Besides, she kept me busy, not happy."

"Well, I'm sorry things ended, but I hope it's for the best."

"Me too," Garrus replied as he headed for the door, "But we're still going to do dinner."

* * *

As soon as they docked at the Citadel the next morning, Ann and her father arranged safer transport for the artifact. Both Dr. Bryson's could hardly contain their excitement, and although Shepard could see the tension in their relationship, it was clear that they were very dear to each other.

The family reunion didn't last for long however, and soon the two scientists' conversation turned from each other and on to the artifact in front of them.

"We had containment protocols for a reason, Ann." Her father scolded her, much like he probably did as she was a child.

"They didn't have time to shield it dad, it was too powerful, and it took them too fast."

"And they're all dead?"

"All thirteen at the dig site, yes."

"We will need to send word to their families,"

"I worked on the letters all night," Ann told her father, "All I need are a few words from you and your signature to send them out."

Her father's face softened. "I know that must have been hard on you. I appreciate you getting that done." He placed a loving hand on her shoulder, a small comfort between two people who had too much of a rift between them to embrace. "All we can do now is make sure their deaths weren't in vain."

Shepard didn't want to interrupt the moment between the two, but she had questions she needed answers to.

"Dr. Bryson," she said hoping to get the man's attention.

"Yes Commander," he replied turning his attention to her.

"I assume you've seen this type of indoctrination from artifacts before?"

"Yes, we found that when dealing with anything linked to a Leviathan. We had an indoctrination incident before that luckily was contained, but that taught us that it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Is the incident at the dig site similar to your incident? Because it's unlike any indoctrination I've experienced or seen before."

"So you did make contact with the artifact?"

"Yes I did."

"Then I'm surprised to see you alive, all those exposed to indoctrination have ended up dead."

"I didn't get the sense that it wanted to kill me, It just wanted me to leave it alone."

"It spoke to you?"

"It told me to leave and that the darkness cannot be breached."

"Fascinating…" the scientist said as he moved closer to the artifact to examine it. "And no one has seen any change in you? no unusual behaviors or brain waves?"

"Not so far."

"Interesting…" Dr. Bryson mumbled as he drifted off into thought.

"What is it?"

"You're the only person I know that has felt the indoctrination and been able to resist it. Would you be willing to test a theory for me?"

"That depends upon what it is." Shepard told him, not thrilled at the idea of being used as lab rat again.

"I have a theory that a connection is made through space when someone is indoctrinated through an artifact. I believe, given a strong enough participant, I would be able to follow that connection back to the source."

"No father," Ann spoke up loudly, "the Commander can't put her life at risk like that."

"She's our best chance." her father countered.

"No. She's in the middle of investigating what is taking all those human colonists, too many hang in the balance for her to risk this." Ann argued

"As much as I hate to admit it, your daughter is right." Shepard spoke up. "I would love to help you, but I need to stop the abductions first. I've already spent too much time on other things. If I survive the trip through the Omega 4 relay though, I will come back and help you."

"I appreciate the thought, Commander," Dr. Bryson told her, "But I fear by then it will be too late."


	24. Chapter 24

"I thought we were going to dinner?" Shepard asked the tall, blue-painted Turian in the pilot seat of a citadel shuttle.

"That was the original plan, but I had a feeling that after today, you needed something more than food" Garrus told her, a playful glint in his eye.

"I do feel bad for not helping Dr. Bryson." Shepard confirmed

"Dont. You're right. The colonists need to come first, you can help Dr. Bryson in other ways that don't needlessly put your life in danger."

"I know, but at the same time I've put off going through that relay for my own selfish reasons. I abandoned them, where was my high and mighty need to save the colonists then?" She cursed herself silently.

"You were in no place to Command your friends on a suicide mission into deep space. You know as well as I do that we wouldn't have saved any of them if we went through back then." he reassured her as he landed the shuttle.

"Where are we?" Shepard asked, finally taking a look at their surroundings

"When I was in C-sec I used to dream of coming up here." Garrus explained as he opened his door and stepped from the shuttle. "There were about a hundred regulations telling me I couldn't, which of course only made me want to do it more." He turned with a coy smile and offered a hand to Shepard.

She hesitated a moment, looking at him inquisitively before she placed her five fingered hand gingerly into his outstretched three fingered one, feeling a small tug as he helped her to exit the shuttle.

She couldn't help but gasp a little as she took in their surroundings.

Garrus had flown them up to one of the beams which supported the Citadel's main ring. They were high above the bustling city and the never-ending lanes of traffic that flew below them were far enough away to be completely silenced. The night cycle was just beginning, and the artificial sun was starting to dip below the horizon line, casting the entire presidium in bright shades of orange, red and pink. For the first time in this galactic epicenter, they had found a little peace.

"I took the liberty of bringing this," Garrus said as he reached around and unclipped his Widow sniper rifle from his back, extending the rifle to it's full girth and handing it to her with playful glint in his eye.

"You sure know how to show a girl a good time." Shepard chuckled as she played with the rifle, adjusting the scope for her human physique.

"I figured a little target practice might do you good." Garrus joked as he displayed a cylindrical plastic target.

She smiled widely and nodded she was ready and without a word, he took a few steps back and threw the target high into the air.

Shepard took a deep breath as she threw up the rifle, catching the falling object in her scope just as it reached the high point of the arc and the artificial gravity started tugging it gently back towards the citadel floor. As she exhaled she pulled the trigger, exploding the plastic target into a million tiny pieces.

She smiled in satisfaction, lowered the gun and handed it back to Garrus, trading him for another plastic target.

"Shepard 1, Vakarian 0." She taunted him as she backed up and chucked the target across the sky. Almost as soon as she threw it the rifle discharged and the target exploded, raining little bits of plastic onto the skycars below them.

"1, 1," he bragged as he handed the rifle back to her.

"This time don't give me such an easy one." She goaded as he wound up and tossed another target out into the open sky.

Again she locked on the easy target and with a flick of her finger, was rewarded with another small explosion.

"I said a hard one." she good-naturedly mocked him.

"You mean hard like the little girly one you tossed me earlier?" He teased her back

"Fine. If you're that confident, lets see how you do with two!" She said passing the rifle off and throwing two targets back to back, arching high above them.

The first one again exploded quickly after it was thrown, but she saw him overcompensate for the second, barely hitting it before it dipped lower than the platform they were on.

"Vakarian 3, Shepard 2." he boasted as he handed it back to her. "Let's see if you can pass me up."

She once again adjusted the scope and waited for him to throw. She tracked the two targets easily enough and the first one exploded with ease. "3,3" she scored as she lined up the second shot, but as she took it she saw it go wide, and she watched with a sour face as the cylindrical target fell lazily end over end until it splashed into the blue waters far below.

"I'm Garrus Vakarian, and this is my favorite spot on the Citadel!" Garrus shouted at the top of his lungs as he thrust his hands into the sky taunting her with his victory.

"Technically you didn't win…" Shepard corrected him

"Tying you feels just as good." He said with what she could only assume was supposed to be an idiotically wide smile on his face.

"Yea, Yea, laugh it up. I'm happy you've finally found something you're as good as me at." She teased him as he played as if he was hurt by her snarky comment. "Thanks for this Garrus, I needed a break."

"We both did," he replied

"You're probably the best friend I've ever had, and I'm sorry if I ever did anything to jeopardize that."

"You never did," he told her, drawing close to her side, "Is that what you want now? To be friends?"

Shepard thought back to the days their friendship had almost broken. The pain in his eyes when she disappointed him, the fury in his when he discovered she was hiding all her pain from him. She thought of all the ways he had supported her: against Saren, the Counsel, Cerberus and the crew, and knew even though she would always be in love with him, she'd rather have the chance to support him then walk away now and let their years together come to nothing.

"Of course," she told him, "There's nothing I'd rather be than be your friend."

Garrus opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by a voice breaking over their coms.

"Shepard, it's Joker. We got a message from Ann. She needs you back at her father's lab immediately."

* * *

Shepard and Garrus arrived at the lab out of breath. They had sprinted for the majority of the trip back to the lab and had arrived to find Ann, with tears streaming down her face, barking orders to the scientists around her as she pounded repeatedly on the door in front of her.

"Ann." Shepard called out as they approached

"Shepard!" She called back with a look of obvious relief on her face as she ran to meet them halfway, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"What's going on?"

"My father barricaded himself in the main lab."

"Do you know what he's doing?"

"Not for sure, but we know he has the artifact in there with him."

"Are the intercoms open? Can we speak to him?"

"They're functional, but he's not responding to anything, were trying to get the door open now."

"Garrus, see if you can help them hack the door." Shepard asked her Turian companion, and he jogged over to those working at the door. "Don't worry Ann, Garrus has never met a door he can't hack," Shepard reassured her as she pulled the distraught doctor into a hug. "Do you have any idea why he'd do this?"

"I think he's trying to mess with the artifact. He knows there's a possibility that he would get indoctrinated, and I think this is his way of protecting everyone else in the building."

"Let me talk to him on the com." She told Ann, pulling her towards the door.

"Dr. Bryson." She spoke through the com, "Dr. Bryson it's Commander Shepard." She received nothing but crackling silence in reply. "Dr. Bryson, you're daughter is worried about you. Whatever you're doing, if you open the door we can help."

"I can't. I have to do this." Dr. Bryson finally responded, his voice noticeably full of fear.

"You're daughter is worried about you." Shepard told him, hoping to exploit the father's natural weakness.

"I'm doing this for her. She'll understand some day." He replied trying to convince himself of the same.

"You don't have to do this alone. Open the door and we can help."

You already told me you wouldn't help." The shaky voice replied.

Shepard took her finger off the intercom button and took a deep breath, now perfectly aware of what the doctor was attempting to do. "Garrus, get this door open NOW."

Garrus met his eyes with hers and she knew he could see the fear behind them. He turned back to the control panel without a word, working more furiously than before.

"Dr. Bryson." Shepard again spoke through the intercom. "We can find another way."

"I can't do that. We're all in danger, I need to find it so we can stop it."

Shepard heard Ann take a sharp breath as the realization of what her father was attempting hit her.

"I'm not asking you to give up doctor. I'm just asking you to wait a little longer." Shepard pleaded with him

"No, there's no going back now. Take care of my daughter." the com crackled into silence again.

"Dr. Bryson! Dr. Bryson!" Shepard shouted, pounding on the door.

Ann pushed Shepard aside. Hysterical tears were pouring down her face as she clung to the com panel, shouting for her father over and over. Shepard set a hand on Garrus' shoulder to steady herself. He knew what she was going to ask without her even speaking the words.

"Ten seconds, I'll have it open in ten seconds."

"I don't think we have ten seconds." Shepard told him as the doctor's voice broke through the com once again.

"Ann, promise me you'll find this thing. Promise me you'll finish this for me."

"Dad…" was all Ann could manage to sob.

"I love you sweetheart."


	25. Chapter 25

Ann was screaming. She pounded at the door, quickly turning her fists bloody as the tried with all her might to smash and pry the door open so she could reach her father. Shepard felt like she was collapsing, helpless to do anything but watch Garrus work at the door. It seemed like an eternity before it unlocked.

"Keep everyone outside until I give the okay." She directed Garrus, knowing he would do everything in his power to hold Ann back.

In a matter of seconds they had wrestled Ann away from the door and Shepard ignored her curses and protests as she went through the lab door, sealing it shut behind her.

Ann's father was sitting forward in a chair, his elbows propped up on his knees, his face buried in the palms of his hands. The artifact sat unshielded on a stand next to him and Shepard slowly started making her way towards it.

The sound of her footsteps quietly reverberated off the otherwise empty room and as she grew closer and closer, she could see Dr. Bryson watching her, tracking her every movement from behind his fingers.

As their eyes met, he abruptly jumped out of his chair. She bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming. He moved stiffly and robotically: his head twisted at an unnatural angle, his mouth opening and closing as if he was speaking without a voice, his fists clenching and unclenching rhythmically.

"Dr. Bryson." She said, tasting the blood in her mouth.

His mouth opened and closed a few more times, vocalizing nothing but grunts and groans until whatever was inside Dr. Bryson learned how to speak through him.

"LEAVE." was all it said

"Why?" she asked it.

"THIS IS NOT YOUR PURPOSE." the voice said

"Who are you?"

"I AM CREATOR OF DEATH AND THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS."

"Are you Leviathan?"

"I AM MORE THAN YOU KNOW AND ALL THAT YOU FEAR."

"Why are you doing this to Dr. Bryson?"

"THE DARKNESS CANNOT BE BREACHED."

"Are you going to kill him?"

"I CANNOT DO WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE."

Shepard could not stop herself from gasping aloud. "Are you going to kill me?"

"YOU HAVE YET TO DO WHAT YOU WERE CREATED FOR."

"What do you mean created?" Shepard asked quickly but the bluish glow in Dr. Bryson's eyes was fading fast and she received no response. "What do you mean? Tell me! What do you mean?" She screamed as she beat her hands against the artifact's smooth surface in a futile attempt to get it to respond.

She heard Dr. Bryson's body slump to the floor as the lab door opened. Shepard turned and frantically re-shielded the artifact and when she turned to check on the man, she found his lifeless body was already clutched in his daughter's shaking arms.

It was a long time before anyone in the room spoke, but it was Ann's small horse voice that finally broke the silence.

"Did it work?"

"What?" Shepard asked, unsure if she heard the doctor correctly or not

"Did it work? The experiment that cost my father his life. Did it work?" Ann asked again, with pain and hatred in her voice.

"I don't know." Shepard replied in a small voice.

"Well find out." Ann spat, looking up from her father at Shepard with nothing but hatred in her eyes, "He was a good man, he doesn't deserve to die for nothing."

* * *

The next few hours were a bustle of activity. The coroner came and removed Dr. Bryson's body and C-Sec arrived to take everyone's statements. Shepard had to lean on them with her Spectre status in order to let them keep the doctor's research and the results of his final experiment, but could do nothing to stop them from confiscating the rest of the lab.

Since the Coroner came for the body, Ann hadn't moved. She stood near the corner, her face stoic and emotionless. She didn't answer the officer's questions nor did she react to the equipment being confiscated. She had turned quickly into a statue, and Shepard was growing increasingly worried over what was brewing just below the surface.

As quickly as the new visitors appeared, they disappeared. Shepard had sent the lab's employees home so all that remained was herself, Garrus, and the freakishly calm Ann. The running air-conditioner was the loudest thing left in the lab, and every second they spent in silence made it seem more and more deafening.

Shepard could have cut the tension in the room with a knife, and she was more than a little glad when EDI broke through the com.

"I have finished the analysis of Dr. Bryson's data." her feminine voice rang out, startling everyone in the room and snapping the calm expression off of Ann's face.

"And?" Shepard asked.

"His hypothesis would appear to be sound. The signature from his indoctrination traces back to the Sigurd's Cradle cluster., Psi Tophet system.

"Good work EDI. Can you narrow that down to a planet?"

"No. There was not enough data. I believe if I could get close enough, I would be able to triangulate its location."

"Thanks EDI. Tell Joker to set a course for that system. We leave as soon as I return to the Normandy." Shepard clicked her com off and the room was plunged into silence again.

Ann, who had heard the exchange, was staring at the floor where her father's body laid just hours earlier. She flicked her eyes up to meet Shepard's.

"Would you like to come with us?" Shepard asked timidly.

"No." Ann said sharply.

"Okay," Shepard resigned, "I just thought you'd want to see this through."

"I've gone far enough," Ann replied, "but you're going to for me. My father died because you refused him, so you're going to track this thing down and make sure it never sees the light of day again." She spoke with an icy coldness that wasn't present in her before.

"I'll take care of it." Shepard assured her, trying not to think about how badly the doctor's words stung.

"Good. Now get out of my lab. You're not welcome here anymore."

* * *

Shepard &amp; Garrus sat next to each other on shuttle back to the Normandy in total silence. She was battling with the guilt over the doctor's death, running through every possible outcome in her mind as to what went wrong and how many ways she could have easily avoided it. She saw the doctor's contorted figure every time she closed her eyes. His glowing blue eyes and jerky movements following her wherever she went.

She had always been haunted by those that died around her, but this death shook her to the core. The thing possessing Dr. Bryson had all but confirmed her worst fear. She was created for something, some purpose that she had apparently yet to complete. Something important enough that a powerful being with indoctrination would not interfere with.

If a being who killed without partiality or remorse wanted her to walk some unknown path and fulfill a life altering destiny, she was no longer certain if the path she was on was one of good or of evil.

She regretted ever straying from her collector mission. She knew she never should have questioned how she returned from the grave, she should have just accepted or ignored it, maybe then this would have all turned out differently.

She squeezed her eyes shut as tight as possible, trying to purge the thoughts from her mind. Then she opened them again. For the first time since they entered the shuttle, Shepard noticed Garrus was watching her.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"No." she replied

Without another word he reached over and laid a heavily armored arm across her shoulders, pulling her in next to him. She could feel a gentle pressure as he gently embraced her, allowing her to melt comfortably into his arms. A soft rumble emanated from his chest with every breath he took, unintentionally letting her know he was there and allowing her to escape from the fears that plagued her.

He didn't let her go until they hit the Normandy's docking bay.


	26. Chapter 26

"I'm glad you wanted to see me." Yeoman Chambers told the Commander from the couch in her quarters.

"I wasn't sure about it, but there's a lot I have to work through. Things I can't do all by myself." Shepard responded as she sat on the end of her bed, twisting the blankets in her fingers anxiously.

"I'm glad you realize that. You have a lot of responsibility resting on you right now, and you don't need to add anything else to that."

"Which I always took as a sign of weakness. What good am I as a Commander if I can't handle my own troubles?."

"I have no doubt that if your problems weren't so life altering you would be able to, but this is something that no one is equipped to deal with on their own. So let's start with the most recent event. Tell me what made you finally decide call me up here."

"Garrus." Shepard replied.

"What happened with Garrus?" Chambers asked, noticeably intrigued.

"He showed me that what I was dealing with was no longer exclusive to me, that my crew were starting to question me."

"Well, we're all tightly packed on this ship. If someone as vital as the Commander is struggling with something, we all feel it."

"It was just hard to hear that some had lost faith in me."

"I'm sure it was. You usually don't care what people think or say about you, but when it comes to your crew, the story's different."

"They're my family."

"And they feel the same way about you."

"So you think I should have told everyone what I was struggling with?" Shepard asked.

"No. I think next time you should ask for help sooner. The people on this ship aren't like those on Earth and the colonies who think you're a perfect hero. They know you're human, that you have faults, fears and blind spots just like they do. Like you said, they're your family and they will want to help you back on your feet."

Shepard nodded her head, knowing in her heart that what the Yeoman said was true. It wasn't their confidence in her that was broken, but her confidence in herself and those she care deepest about.

"I want to switch gears a little bit and talk about that." Chambers gestured towards the black cloth hanging from the ceiling.

"The window behind it doesn't have a shutter." Shepard explained, slightly embarrassed.

"So it's to block the view into space." Chambers deducted.

"Yes."

"Why did you feel the need to block that window?"

"I was having trouble sleeping, and looking out brought back memories…" Shepard trailed off.

'It triggered a flashback to the original Normandy's destruction." Chambers finished for her.

"Yea…"

"And do you experience any physical symptoms with these flashbacks or just the memories?"

"My chest tightens and I have trouble breathing," Shepard paused as she explained, "I also get really cold and my vision darkens."

"And how long do they usually last?"

"I'm not sure, it feels like only a few seconds, but I know one lasted an hour or so."

"Do you also have nightmares?"

"Yes, but they lessened when I put the cloth up."

"That was good thinking on your part. Finding what triggers these memories and feelings is vital" Chambers explained.

"So I do have PTSD?" Shepard asked.

"So far that seems like the proper diagnosis, yes."

"Will this ever go away?"

"I can't say for sure. I'm going to help you with some techniques that can help when you experience one of these flashbacks, but it's going to take time to heal. It might be a long time until you're comfortable back on a ship in space, and you may never be. Luckily with your family here, it's going to be a lot easier than if you were trying to do it alone."

"We're approaching Psi Tophet." EDI interrupted loudly.

"Thank you EDI, I'll be on the bridge soon." Shepard replied to the machine and then turned back to the Yeoman. "So what can I do in the meantime? I need to be able to do my job."

"That's why I'm not prescribing you any medications. We can't have you struggling with possible side effects and unable to go on missions. The best thing you can do when you're going through an episode like you described is to find something to ground you. You need to remind yourself what is real and what is memory."

"How do I do that?"

"It's going to take some practice, and we'll work on it together later, but one way would be focusing on the things that surround you, calling out specific details about the room you're in or the people around you. Then do the same for what you can feel, the armor on your skin, the gun in your hand, your feet on the floor, or the hand of someone next to you. Sometimes just focusing on and counting the breaths coming in and out of your nose will help." Chambers explained.

"And that should bring me out of it?"

"It should help, but it's not a guaranteed solution," Chambers warned. "I know you have to get going, but please come see me again. There's a lot we still need to work through."

"I will, you've already helped a lot." Shepard told her as she walked with the Yeoman to the elevator. "I appreciate you coming up here"

"Anything I can do to help." Chambers reassured her as they went their separate ways.

* * *

"So how does this work?" Shepard asked EDI as she stepped onto the bridge.

"Now that we are closer to the source, I should be able to use the signature Dr. Bryson's last experiment found discovered in order to locate the source." the AI explained.

"Yea, and we'll be knocking on our puppet master's door in no time." Joker snidely remarked. "Correct me if I'm wrong, and I may be crazy here, but shouldn't we be going away from the mind melting overlord?"

"Common Joker, you're telling me that after all this time you haven't learned to love our little suicide missions?" Shepard teased

"Don't get me wrong, I enjoy our shenanigans as much as the next guy, but I don't think it's gonna take to kindly to us landing our spaceship on it's front yard."

"I've come across this thing twice now. It had plenty of opportunities to kill me. Besides, from the way it spoke, I have a feeling it wants me alive." Shepard reasoned

"There is no trace of a signal coming from 2181 Eubolos" EDI sang out before returning to silent concentration.

"So it really spoke to you huh?" Joker asked

"Yep. I asked it if it would kill me &amp; it told me I haven't completed my purpose yet."

"Well if it's such a fan, maybe you should bring it one of those signed posters of you the shops are selling." Joker teased.

"I think it would prefer an action figure." Shepard joked back.

"No trace of a signal coming from 2181 Arion." EDI interrupted.

"I know you have to go down there Shepard, but don't go alone." Joker said, suddenly serious."

"I may have to. I can't risk it killing anyone else."

"I'm sure someone on this boat is crazy enough to accompany you."

"I'm sure." Shepard laughed.

"Signal confirmed." EDI announced "Signature is originating from 2181 Despoina."

"Thanks EDI." Shepard told her then turned to the Flight Lieutenant. "Joker, take us down."


	27. Chapter 27

Shepard stood nervously still in the shuttle bay. She was awaiting confirmation that the shuttle was cleared for launch as the weather on the plant's surface below them was too rough to fly. Despite her anxiousness, she still manage to break a smile when she heard a Turian slide up beside her.

"Don't expect to get your questions answered." Garrus spoke to his Commander, placing his hand gently on the small of her back, "I'd hate for you to be disappointed if you don't end up finding anything."

"I'm only cautiously optimistic." Shepard responded with a smile as she unconsciously leaned into his hand, savoring the pressure of him there.

The sound of approaching footsteps caused Garrus quickly drew his hand back to his side just before Javik entered the room.

"I'll let you two talk," Garrus told her as he took his leave, "be careful down there."

Shepard nodded back to him, reassuring him as best she could.

"Commander," Javik spoke once the Turian left the room, "I wish to accompany you to the surface."

"I'm not taking anyone Javik, the risk of indoctrination is too high."

"The risk is acceptable," he told her unflinching

"But you are too important to lose."

"I will die only when I have rid the last Reaper from the galaxy. You need not fear my death before then."

"I still don't think this is a good idea."

"I wish to continue our mutual beneficial relationship Commander, but I am not one of your crew and you have no means of stopping me." He spoke with determination in his eyes.

"Then gear up. We're about to leave." Shepard conceded.

* * *

Shepard hadn't seen rain this hard in many years. The ocean planet's surface was writhing from the powerful storm winds that ravaged it and the floating shipwreck they had been forced to land on. If her stomach was slightly less strong, she was sure she'd be heaving it's contents over the edge by now.

"Regretting your decision to accompany me?" She shouted jokingly over the roar of the storm winds to her Prothean companion.

Javik looked at her with a mix of annoyance and amusement in his eyes.

Shepard took a quick minute to analyze their surroundings. "Shed your armor." she instructed as she started the long process of removing hers, stacking it carefully in the shuttle behind them.

Javik looked at her strangely, unmoving.

"One slip overboard in that hunk of metal and you'd be done for," Shepard explained. "Plus I'm not exactly up to date on Prothean swimming lessons."

Javik finally started removing his armor and by the time they were done they were both soaked so thoroughly that she thought they'd never get dry again.

"Start searching for some sort of diving suit," Shepard instructed him. "EDI said the signal was coming from directly below us so we will need to find something to get us down there, and preferably, back up again."

Navigating the heaving ship was more than difficult, and the two were ever vigilant of the sudden surges of water that seemed to be constantly trying to knock their feet out from under them. Her shivering hands were quickly getting tired of grasping on to rails and other objects for support, and she found herself slipping more and more frequently.

It wasn't until she reached the rear of the derelict ship that she found something of use.

"Javik," She shouted into her com unit

"Commander."

"I found a Triton Mech near the back of the vessel."

"I'm on my way." he replied as his com went dead.

It wasn't long before Javik appeared, and by then Shepard had hacked the door open that concealed the unit.

"It is out of power." the Prothean observed.

"Yea, We're going to have to find someway to get it up and running."

"There is only one mech?" he asked

"Yea, but without our armor we should both fit fine."

"What about oxygen reserves?" Javik asked.

"Looks to have functioning recycled air unit, so we'd starve down there before we asphyxiated, but i won't know if it's functioning until we get it powered up."

Shepard sat back to think for a moment. "EDI." She called to the AI through her com link

"Yes Commander." the AI answered.

"Any idea how we can power a mech down here?"

"What is the model?."

"Triton ADS." Shepard answered.

They received nothing but silence for a few moments but EDI's voice soon sang out over their coms again.

"The Triton ADS Mech runs off standard power cells. You should be able to use the cells from the Kodiak to get it operational."

"Thanks EDI. If this works, we'll be calling for a pick-up in about three or four hours."

"I will be awaiting your call."

They started their trek back to the Kodiak immediately, but it was a better part of a half-hour before they finally got the mech up and running. A quick systems test told Shepard that the mech was fully operational and all systems, including air, were running as they should.

The Triton was cramped with both of them inside it, but Shepard was still able to maneuver the beastly mech towards the edge of the ship and with nothing but a deep breath, launched it over the edge and into the dark, tempestuous waters below.

They sunk quickly, descending at a rate of almost a meter per second, and Shepard watched the pressure gauge with a close eye. EDI had put the source of the signal at a little over 3200 meters below the surface so at their current rate, she estimated they would reach the source in a little over an hour.

The two barely spoke on the way down. Javik was lost in his own meditations and Shepard was trying too hard to concentrate on the mech and less on the fact that sinking to the depths of the ocean felt uncannily familiar to floating helplessly through space.

Shepard swallowed a rising knot of fear in her throat, squeezed her eyes shut and turned all her concentration to her surroundings. She made herself feel the metal chair biting into her back and the heat of the Prothean sitting beside her. She listened to deafening creaks and groans of the mech adjusting to the rising pressure and smelt the metallic tinge that lingered in the recycled air. Then she breathed and felt the air fill her lungs and empty out her nose.

The depth read 2900 when she finally opened her eyes. Her heart rate had slowed dramatically and the glow of the electronic gauges seemed much brighter than before.

She waited until the depth clicked over to 3000 before she gently powered up the thrusters, slowing their free fall until the Triton settled as gently as possible on the seafloor. The less-than-subtle impact jarred Javik out of his meditations.

After once again doing a quick system's check, Shepard flicked on the Triton's outside flood lights and for the first time got a glimpse of the outside world. The lighting didn't penetrate far in the blackness, illuminating only short glimpses of the monstrous weed bed they had landed in, and casting dramatic, undulating shadows on the ground.

She took the control stick in her hands and gently nudged it forward, feeling the mech shift as it unburied it's feet and trudged forward, sending a plume of sand and much into the light and making it impossible to see.

The radar showed a trench in front of them and Shepard slowly brought the mech as close as she dared to the edge. She could feel a tugging at the back of her mind and she suddenly knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the vast gorge that stretched in front of them housed the creature she was searching for.

Then the ground started shaking.


	28. Chapter 28

From the depths came a rumble, and the once solid ground they had settled on felt as if it was undulating beneath them. Shepard watched petrified as two spires slowly emerged from the trench, growing wider and wider until they connected at the base, and continued yet further as the rest of the creature slowly slid into view. By the time the rumbling stopped, the jagged creature towered menacingly over them, big, if not bigger than Sovereign ever was, and Shepard found she couldn't distinguish her awe from her fear.

She could feel it's presence building and a pressure in her mind growing stronger and stronger until her head pounded in time with her heart. A searing white light flooded her vision and when she had the courage to open them again, she was no longer on the ocean floor.

"Commander," Javik spoke as he appeared beside her, "I believe the creature has overtaken our minds."

Shepard nodded as she looked around the white room they had been brought to. A flicker of movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention and as she raked her eyes over the spot she found Dr. Ann Bryson looking back at her.

"You have come too soon" Ann's voice spoke in her mind but her lips did not move.

"What do you mean too soon?" Shepard asked

"You have breached the darkness before your time." The voice crypicialy responded

"What are you? some sort of Reaper?"

"We came before, they seek only our extermination." It explained

"Before the Reapers? So you know what created them?"

"Yes, we did."

"You created them? Why would you create something that would destroy you, destroy everything!?" Shepard asked incredulously.

"That was not their purpose, only their actualization." it explained.

"Then what was their purpose?"

"Before the cycles, our kind was the apex of life in the galaxy. The lessers species were in our thrall, serving our needs. We grew more powerful and cared for them, but we could not protect them from themselves. Over time the species built machines that then rose up and destroyed them. To solve this problem, we created an intelligence with the mandate to preserve life at any cost."

"So to stop lesser synthetics from destroying the lesser organics that created them, you built an apex synthetic and what, just assumed you could control it?"

"The entire galaxy was bent to our will, everything we discovered became another tool for our growth and survival, the intelligence was thought upon as only another tool. We were above the concerns of a lesser species."

"Yet you just repeated their mistake."

"As the intelligence evolved and studied the development of civilizations, it came to a solution, and in that instant it betrayed us. It chose our kind as the first harvest, and from our essence the first Reaper was created, your name for it is Harbinger."

"But you're still here. How many others survived?."

"Very few. We retreated and hid, erasing our existence from the world outside. We study the cycles through fragments. We watch. We study. Remaining safe in the shadows of this world."

"Why haven't you tried to stop it?"

"We cannot stop the Reapers, only avoid them. The cycles will not stop until either the intelligence completes it's objective or the catalyst completes it's destiny."

"So you won't help fight the monsters you're responsible for unleashing upon the galaxy!"

"I've done all I can."

"You've done nothing." Shepard yelled, her voice spiteful and full of hate. "You've ran and hid at the edge of the galaxy like cowards."

"I CREATED YOU." the voice shouted back, echoing loudly in her mind.

Shepard was stunned into silence, her thoughts incoherent as she struggled to understand the Leviathan's words.

"Those of us who created the intelligence were content to run and hide, but I could not stand idly by and watch the organics we swore to protect be harvested cycle after cycle. It is not my destiny to stop the cycles because it is yours."

"But I was born to two human parents! I'm not a synthetic, I am not some experiment!"

"You were not created in that sense, you are an entity designed for one single purpose"

"But the reapers have existed for thousands upon thousands of years."

"So have you."

"No...that's impossible." Shepard stammered, shaking her head in denial.

"You are three parts of a whole: the cycle, the Reapers, and you. You will always exist together until none of you exist at all."

"I can't be immortal." Shepard gasped desperately

"You are not and were never meant to be." the voice shuddered again "Your life is transitory. You will die, and in another cycle, you will rise again. New, unburdened and free to be the savior again. You are the template of the one true hero."

"How many cycles have I lived through?"

"Every cycle since your creation."

"And what happens if I succeed in this cycle?"

"Then another like you will not be born."

"And if I fail?"

"Then this cycle will fall, and another will arise in it's place, until one of you doesn't"

"Why me?"

"The genetics take root in one child every cycle. It chose you for your determination and valor, just like it chose your companion before you."

"Javik?" Shepard asked, looking at the stunned Prothean beside her. "So it's the shadow DNA, that's what determines who your "hero" is?"

"Call it what you will but it's purpose remains the same."

"What if you're wrong, and what ever you infected us with isn't enough to destroy the reapers."

"Then the cycles will continue and I will have failed altering our existence for a second time."

"What if the only way to stop them is for you to join the fight."

"We will not make the same mistake again. A true apex species must leave lesser beings to their own ways. We must remain indifferent gods, omnipresent, omnipotent, but interfering no longer."

"So you're just going to hide."

"We are going to wait."

"Fine, stay down here and hide like the cowards you are, because if you ever come back I will personally hunt down and destroy every last one of you for the suffering you unleashed upon the galaxy, just like I'm going to do to the Reapers." Shepard threatened, her blood boiling with rage.

"I have satiated your desire to know what you are, now return to the surface and complete your destiny." Leviathan spoke as the room once again filled with unbearably bright light. Shepard felt the pressure on her head slip slowly away and when she opened her eyes she once again found herself back in the Triton Mech with Javik beside her.

She turned found the boost controls and with a silent rage, flicked them on, watching with satisfaction as the boosters kicked up a cloud of muck which obscured the indignant creature from her view. Shepard watched the depth grow smaller and smaller, and with each passing meter, her rage slipped further and further behind her as she pushed the creature from her mind, settling in for the long trek back to the surface.


	29. Chapter 29

All Shepard wanted to do when she returned to the ship was be left alone. She knew she should discuss the day's events with Javik, but she had yet to come to terms with the information on her own. The stares and whispers from the crew were starting to get on her nerves, and sensing that, they graciously went out of their way to avoid her.

She had almost made it to the elevator before Yeoman Chambers meekly caught her attention.

"Commander, the Illusive Man is available in video conference for you."

"Tell him I'll call him later." Shepard

"He said it was urgent."

Shepard groaned. It took all of her patience to deal with the Illusive Man, patience that was wearing thinner and thinner as the day wound on.

"Fine." she grumbled and stalked angrily off to the conference room.

She took a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm herself and stepped with determination onto the holo projector.

"What do you want?" she coldly asked the shadowed man as soon as the scanner projected her into the room

"Commander," The Illusive Man responded icily, "I was hoping for your report on the Leviathan."

"I just got back, I haven't had time to go over the information yet."

"That's not necessary, we can complete your debrief now."

Shepard didn't respond. She just stared at him, determined not to give out any more information than absolutely necessary.

"I take it you found the Leviathan?" He asked, noticeably frustrated that she wasn't being more forthcoming.

"Yes."

"And you spoke to it?" he asked again.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"It's personal." She answered matter-of-factly.

"I don't know what you're playing at Shepard, but you have an obligation to share your findings with me." the Illusive Man warned her.

"I do not and I never have. Too many lives hang in the balance if its existence is threatened and this information gets into the wrong hands and I'm not about to let that happen." She explained.

"Studying this creature and the way it controls people could help humanity get the edge it needs to become more dominant in the galaxy!"

"Human dominance? or just Cerberus?" Shepard more accused than asked and she could see the fury flash behind his eyes.

"Strength for Cerberus is strength for every human. Cerberus is Humanity. I order you to go back down with a team of Cerberus soldiers and scientists to study the creature."

"I will do no such thing. It promised it would stay in it's pit. All it wants to do is hide. The only way to guarantee that it stays put is to make sure no one else goes looking for it. But I can assure you that if it ever breaks that promise, I will personally go back and kill it myself. You're insane if you thought I would let you anywhere near that thing."

"And what about Javik, can I assume your misguided sense of nobility will make you keep your promise to me about him?"

"You mean my promise to turn him over to you? Not a chance." She brazenly laughed at him.

The Illusive Man flew up from his chair in a fit of anger and stalked towards her with a deep seeded hatred clearly visible on his face. "I should have known you would choke on the hard decisions. You've always been too idealistic." he spat.

"I'm not looking for your approval, and I certainly don't need your help."

"Don't turn your back on me Shepard! I made you. I brought you back when everyone else simply left you to your fate!"

"See, that's where you're wrong." Shepard interrupted loudly, "You may have brought me back from the dead, but I still make my own decisions. I finally know my purpose and I'm not about to let you stand in my way. I know what you are and the price people pay for dealing with you. I'm doing things my way from now on." She turned from him and started to exit the holo projector.

"I should have never stopped Miranda from putting that control matrix in you." he yelled viciously after her, his hands clenched into tight, angry fists.

Shepard glanced one last time over her shoulder at him with a determined smirk on her face. "We both know a control matrix wouldn't have stopped me."

She stepped from the holo projector a thousand times lighter than when she went in, and raising her head toward the ceiling with a smile, she called out the words she never thought she'd ever get to say. "Joker, lose this channel."

* * *

As much as Shepard wanted to call it a night, she now knew exactly what path she had to take, and could finally see clearly the scope of the work that was yet to come. She was worried that word had already gotten out that she had officially cut ties with Cerberus, but before she dealt with the fallout from that decision, she had one thing to do that was still more important.

The Port Cargo Bay door slid open silently as Shepard entered quietly. She heard the sound of running water and watched as Javik finished washing his hands and then turned in all his gracefulness to meet her.

"Commander,"

"Javik, I came down to make sure you were alright."

"I am not a fragile creature, my origins do not concern me."

"I just thought you might want to talk."

"I have seen many things, but that beast taught me that even the tallest creatures cannot see everything. I have learned my true purpose in this universe and I intend to fulfill it."

"So you'll stay?" Shepard asked hopefully

"Yes. You and I share a common destiny. We are stronger together than we would ever be apart."

"That means a lot Javik, I appreciate you sticking around. There is one thing I need to ask you to do for me however."

"What is the mission?"

"I still need to go through the Omega Relay to end this thing with the Collecters, but I can't start a journey I may not return from knowing what's coming and what has to be done."

"You wish for me to stay behind." Javik inferred.

"Just for this fight. You and the memory shard you hold should be more than enough evidence to convince The Council that the Reaper threat is real. If we can get them on board and start preparations early enough, maybe we can actually save some people for a change instead of leaving another trail of collateral damage in our wake."

"I will do as you ask Commander. I will do all I can to prepare, and when you return I will rejoin the fight with you so the last thing the Reapers hear before they die will be the voices of the last Prothean and the only Shepard sending them to their graves."


	30. Chapter 30

"This is Commander Shepard, may I have your attention please." Shepard announced via the ship-wide intercom system. "I know there have been rumors going around that I have cut all contact with Cerberus and the Illusive Man, and I am now confirming that those rumors are true." She paused shortly to let the revelation sink in. "Many of you loyal to Cerberus and the Illusive Man may be concerned as to your future aboard the Normandy. Let me assure you that If you wish to leave, you will be able to do so when we dock at the Citadel. However, If you wish to stay on board, you are welcome to do so and you will be under my protection if the Illusive Man retaliates." She paused again. "If you choose to stay, be warned that we will be making our way through the Omega 4 Relay as planned. There are humans out there who need our help and I have every intention of following through with my promise to destroy the Collector base. Joker has assured me we will reach the Citadel in two days time. If you have any questions or concerns you'd like to discuss with me in private, I will be in my quarters for the rest of the evening and you are welcome to come speak with me there. Thank you."

Shepard clicked the com dead and instantly felt smothered by the silence of the ship. She knew she was reaching the end of her journey, yet now more than ever she was uncertain of where her crew's loyalties lied.

On the way back to her quarters she tried to compile a list of those she thought would stay and those who would leave. She thought the only one she could say for certainty would stay was Garrus, but as she pondered the question, she realized how grossly mistaken and blind she had been.

Shepard couldn't imagine Tali walking off this ship any more than she could see Garrus deserting her. Doctor Chakwas and Joker had both left the Alliance and joined Cerberus for her, so she could see no reason why they wouldn't be willing to do so again. Mordin was proud of the work he was doing and told her he wanted to start working on the Genophage again, so she knew he would also stay.

EDI wouldn't leave Joker unless the Illusive Man personally ripped her out of the ship's system, and Shepard was sure EDI had some measures in effect to prevent that. Grunt had pledged his loyalty to her as she did to him during his right of passage on Tuchanka, and she knew nothing would stop him from smashing his way through the Collector ship. Samara and Thane had vowed to see the mission through. Jack was safest on the move, and even if she didn't want to admit it, fit in quite nicely with the rest of the team.

The Normandy SR-2 may have been a Cerberus built ship with a Cerberus mission and a few Cerberus crew, but the people...the people were her friends, and they would always choose her.

* * *

The first knock at her door came only minutes after she had returned to her quarters and Shepard wasn't at all surprised to see Liara at the door.

"You know I'm staying, right?" Were the first words out of the shadow broker's mouth.

"Of course I know that." Shepard replied, pulling the Asari in for a hug.

"Why do I get a feeling there's a "but" coming?" Liara asked as the hug ended and they pulled away from each other.

"I need you to do me a very large favor." Shepard confessed with a sadness in her eyes.

"Anything."

"I'm sending Javik to the Council." Shepard explained. "He has a memory shard which holds memories of the Reaper invasion of his cycle. If we can get that to the Council early enough, I think we have a good chance of convincing them to start building defences before it's too late."

"My network and contacts can find information to back up Javik's claims, validate them, and hopefully win over the Council." Liara agreed.

"I wish you could stay with me." Shepard told her friend

"We will see each other again. We may have different battles to fight now, but all too soon we will be fighting a common enemy once more."

"Good luck out there Liara, and thank you for understanding and helping him."

"You too Shepard. Promise me I'll be your first stop when you return."

"I promise."

* * *

The second knock at her door was Miranda.

She entered with a somber look on her face, which was a refreshing contrast from the air of superiority she usually wore. Shepard dismissed her usual escort and invited the Cerberus officer to sit. An uncomfortable silence began to grow between them.

"Look, I'm not really good at apologies," Miranda spoke with apprehension, "but the way I reacted was wrong."

"I'm glad you recognize that Lawson." Shepard replied calmly. "What you did put a lot of people at risk and caused a lot of unnecessary tension, but it was not only your actions that caused that incident. I am also partially responsible for not trusting you with what I knew. I've been rather slow to trust since I came back."

"Had you told me you didn't want something reported to the Illusive Man, I would have honored your wishes. As much as you believe me to be, I am not his pawn."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I probably just put you in another difficult position wit him."

"Yes. If I stay with you he will think I defected and will come after me. I know more of his secrets than anyone else and he will stop at nothing to make sure I don't reveal them."

"If you want to leave, I won't stop you. I know we haven't ever really been more than colleagues, but I want to change that. If you want to stay, I will protect you from him."

"I appreciate the offer Commander, but we both know I will never be safe from him. I promised you I'd be apart of the team for the Collector mission and I mean to follow through on that promise. However, if we return from the Omega Relay, I will leave be leaving the Normandy."

"I understand Miranda. Thank you for coming to see me about it. I'll let the guards know it's no longer necessary to escort you around the ship."

"Thank you Commander,." She replied as she turned to leave, "Oh, and Shepard?"

"Yes?"

"It was wrong of me to try to add a control matrix to you when you were on my table. You've done a lot for me, including getting me back in touch with my sister, something that never would have happened if I would have followed through with it. I'm sorry."

"Thank you for apologizing Miranda, it means a lot to me, and I forgive you." Shepard reassured her as the Australian exited the room, the atmosphere considerably warmer than then when she entered.

* * *

Only 10 people got off at the Citadel, not including Javik and Liara.

It was a bittersweet goodbye for everyone, but no tears were shed as hopes remained high that all who stayed would return through the Omega 4 Relay unscathed.

The crew who left were all fiercely loyal to Cerberus, and Shepard had expected almost all of them to leave. She was only caught off guard by Yeoman Chambers' exit. Chambers slipped by her so quickly she almost missed her and all she got was a meek and shame-filled "sorry" as an explanation.

The Normandy's aura was full of apprehension when the remaining crew returned to the ship, all of whom were mourning those who left in their own ways. Shepard could hear them joke and reminisce and managed to catch a few passing stories as she made her way to the Bridge.

"Heading for the Omega 4 Commander?" Joker said as he flipped some switches and prepared to detach from the docking bay.

"No," Shepard told him, watching as his expression turned into blatant curiosity, "there's one last trip I need to take first."


	31. Chapter 31

Shepard wasn't used to snow. The last time she saw it was the winter before she enlisted in the Alliance, but the last time she played in it was much too long before that to remember anymore. It fell in lazy trails across the sky and landed without preference upon the soft piles where uncountable numbers of it's kind had fallen before. The snow dampened every noise and Shepard reveled in the fact that the usual klunk of her armored steps was now nothing more than a soft, delicate, crunch. She loved that the only sounds were her, the wind, and the steps of the person approaching her from behind.

"This place looks bad." Garrus broke the silence as he looked out across the debris field coating the planet's surface before them.

Shepard stomach knotted in agreement as she surveyed what was left of the original Normandy. "I knew it would be bad, but this is more than I expected."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Garrus asked her

"Yes. But I'm glad you're here. I don't think I could be here alone."

"You're never alone." He reassured her as he threw an armored arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a sideways hug which she sunk into almost too perfectly.

Shepard took a deep breath took a tentative step forward, as if she was worried she was going to disturb the final resting place of her Normandy family. They took their time walking amongst the wreckage and every few steps stopped to pick up a dog tag partially embedded in the freshly fallen snow.

Walking through the ruins was akin to walking through time. Every area they passed brought a happy memory to mind and soon the two friends were laughing as they shared old stories that hurt too much to remember before.

Shepard tensed as they passed the gaping tear in the ship that she had been sucked out of, and she stopped for a minute, allowing the memory to wash over her. She was well aware that the Turian's strong grip on her arm was the only thing keeping her from being swept away with it, and he never let her go.

After the memory passed, they returned to collecting dog tags. Garrus had a sizable pile of them in the hand that wasn't holding hers. It was a few minutes before they once again stopped, but this time it was Garrus who was frozen in place.

Shepard followed his gaze and found herself staring at her own ghost. The half-buried N7 helmet was so badly damaged it would have been unrecognizable to anyone but them, and Shepard realized that for the first time, Garrus had seen a glimpse of how badly damaged she had been in the attack.

She walked towards her old helmet and tugged it gently from the snow. The visor was shattered from the impact and the shiny black exterior was burnt to a matte charcoal from the entry into the planet's atmosphere. The top of the helmet was split completely open and Shepard could see dried blood which coated the padded lining inside.

She stood and walked it bad to Garrus, letting him examine the damage himself, but he pushed the helmet back to her, a look of anguish written on his brow.

"Twenty good men died here." Garrus said woefully as he stared at the tangled pile of dog tags in his hands.

"Twenty-one." Shepard corrected as she pulled one last set of dog tags out of a pocket on her belt. They shone brightly with reflected sunlight as they dangled from her armored glove.

Garrus watched in silence as she bent forward and dug a small hole in the snow at her feet. She laid the metal tags in the hole and brushed the snow back over them, covering them completely from the outside world. She then took her shattered helmet and after running her hands across it one last time, set it on top of the freshly buried dog tag, a headstone to her former life.

She took a moment crouched there to remember the last few days on the Normandy. And as she relived the memory of her death one last time, she let herself morn. She cried for the pain she caused those around her and for way things might have been different if she hadn't ended up here. She cried for her family and the families of those who died alongside her. She cried for the injustice that they too did not get rebuilt alongside her. Then, when she had nothing left to mourn, she stopped, swearing that when she stood again she would be reborn, free from the shackles that tied her for so long to this wreckage.

She took a deep breath and stood, and as she exhaled, she felt the weight of the burden she carried for months finally leave her in peace.

"Are you alright Shepard?" Garrus asked gently as he laid a comforting hand on her back

"I will be." She reassured him, wishing she could wipe the tears from her eyes. "Thank you for standing by me through all of this. I know I crossed some boundaries before, but you've always been there for me and your friendship means more to me than words can expresses."

"You know as well as I do that there are no boundaries between us." He replied, his voice rumbling warmly, inexplicably drawing her closer to him.

She looked up at him, almost asking him what he meant, but before she could, he continued.

"I want you to know, that night in your room…" he trailed off as she interrupted.

"Oh don't. I already told you, you don't owe me an explanation. I was way out of line and I feel ridiculous that I ever assumed you had a thing for humans." She stuttered out utterly ashamed of lack of control that night.

"You're right about me not having a thing for humans." He chuckled warmly as he shook his head at her. "I just have a thing for you."

Shepard felt a heat rising in her chest, making it impossible for her to speak.

"You've occupied my thoughts day and night since I first met you. I was in love with you before I even knew what that meant and when I lost you, I lost myself too," he paused. "I thought you were a spirit when I first saw you on Omega, and I thought I had died and met you in the afterlife when you ran into my arms."

"Then that night, why did you..." Shepard struggled to say

"Run?" Garrus finished. "You were a force of nature that night. I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but it wasn't until I saw that black cloth that it was thrown in my face how broken you still were. In that moment I knew you didn't really care who you were with that night, as long as it was a warm body. I've been just a warm body before and I didn't want to be that with you."

Shepard's head was swimming. "You've never been just a warm body Garrus. I wanted you that night, not just anyone. I've always wanted you."

He reached down and pulled her up to him, creating a mass of armored body parts as they pulled each other as close as they possibly could. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his head towards hers, resting his helmet on of hers, cursing the lack of atmosphere for not letting them feel each others skin.

"Spirits, I love you." Garrus whispered.

"I love you more." Shepard whispered back as they pulled each other tighter.

It seemed like forever before they parted and they stood watching the sun rise over the horizon until the crash site was fully lilt. Hand-in-hand, and without a word they returned to the shuttle, and as the doors sealed behind them they both shed their helmets and collapsed into each other's awaiting lips, finally leaving Alchera and all the bad memories it held, far behind them.

* * *

**THE END**


End file.
